A Day in the Life of LSmurf

A New Start...

2008-09-22T14:41:00.000-07:00

Hellooo ladies and gentlemen and at the same time goodbye to this blog. There was nothing wrong with this blog, it was fantastic, loved it, but as my youtube life has had a new start i thought "Why not my blog?"

To look at my brand spanking new blog, try here:

www.LSmurf.wordpress.com

I had a talk with Jess a few minutes ago, she told me i'm too open, on my blog and in real life, and she was so right, so if you are expecting me to spill my deepest darkest secrets from now on then you will be disapointed as the new blog will be a lot less personal. I'll still write all the personal stuff, but it will be private, a handy little tool that wordpress has that blogspot didn't.

I hope all you blog followers will still keep up with my day to day life over on wordpress, u just won't see me blurting stuff in a very rude and blunt fashion.

So here's to a new start, for my blog, and for real life...

Best msn convo of my life.

2008-09-21T02:15:00.000-07:00

I was talkin to Nath on msn last night, best msn convo of my life ever, sorry lally but it beat dressin as rabbits, srry paul but it pwned talkin about Tom Milsom. This was the best convo ever. I don't wanna go into a lot of detail but lets just say we talked about threesomes, wanking and how Nath wud get naked on cam XP
I know that i shouldn't trust Nath at all, i've never seen him, never heard his voice, but right now he is the person i trust most in the world, i would trust him with my life. He's feckin amazing and i hope we have loads more great msn convos, altho, if he calls me a Dingle one more time...

The explanations roll in...

2008-09-19T16:03:00.003-07:00

I came online to find two new messages on yahoo. Private message from xbrokenmindedx. Private message from cashboxkeys.

Again i have been a bastard, i have insulted these two people behind their backs, even to their faces simply because of impatience. The message from Jess told me she didn't have credit on her phone, so now i feel really bad, she hasn't actually done ANYTHING wrong, and how could i accuse her of? She is such a lovely person! Spence simply said he was thinking about what to say to me, he said he had wanted some time to think as what i had said had suprised him. Can you blame him? When i tell him something like that. I suppose the REAL reason he went to Alex was for advice. Spence hasn't done anything either.
Just talked to Benjy on msn, he's just been really busy these past few days. I rushed to conclusions yet again.

I have a lot of apologising to do.

You know those people that i was talking about, the ones who are rude bastards, the ones who make sarcastic and unfair comments, i have been exactly like one of them.

People i didn't know i knew.

2008-09-19T16:03:00.002-07:00

Had a bath now. Feeling much better for it.

I just rewatched my Manchester gathering video, all 45 minutes of it, and i was hooked all the way through. There are all these youtubers, that i didn't know i had met but i had. I was sat there going "OMG thats calumrb22", "Wow, that was Jazza giving us a hug", "Wow, that was mhazz who hugged alex". All these people who i didn't notice before. the people i never knew i knew. Looking back at it all was amazing, back then I was such a fanboy.

Nothing's changed.

I feel soooo tired

2008-09-19T16:03:00.001-07:00

At 2pm last night i put Tom Milsom's CD on repeat on my computer and went to sit on my bed. Next thing i know, i'm being awoken to the sound of "watching paint dry" (the song, watching paint dry isn't really a noisy activity). It was 6am and i was sprawled across my bed in a really uncomfortable position with the light and computer still on. I tried to get back to sleep but failed. I have never felt sooo tired. the night of the 30th August i didn't sleep at all, not one wink, and even then i didn't feel this tired.
I have a lot on my mind right now. I am aware that my latest blog posts have been bleak to say the least but right now that's how i'm feeling. The frustrating thing is, it's not to do with youtube (well partly), mainly it's due to real life. These twats who walk around and are just rude or cocky. It didn't bother me so much before because i could go on youtube and see the other side of people. Now i think of youtube and i think of Jess and Ben and fecking Spencer. All of it is driving me mad. So now i think about it, though youstage was the best weekend of my life, it was also the worst, all at the same time, i just didn't realise it. Alex was fecking right again.

Dan posted on his blog about someone shutting themselves off from everyone and i hope to god he wasn't talking about me cos i'm still here, and there are o many ways to contact me.

I just misread lally's blog, i read a comma as a full stop so the sentence i got was: "There's a girl in my friend." I was confused, if i guy had gone into her friend, it wud make sense...

talking of Lally, she is coming to Malton tonight, i'll hopefully see her tomorrow and she can teach me candy floss XD i'm picking up my new ukelele in about 3 hours :D

I wish i had friends that hugged cos i really need a hug right now. the only one who would is charli and she has a boyfriend so it's rather awkward, not that he would care but...i dunno...If anyone in Malton wants a hug, please PM me.

I think i'm goin for a bath now, maybe wake myself up a bit more.

My blog has got too personal recently.

I'm sick of people

2008-09-19T16:03:00.000-07:00

I'm sick of the kind of people who fuck with my head, the ones who have thousands of ways to contact me and yet tell MY friends that i'm avoiding them, it makes me look bad. I'm sick of being ignored by people who think that trying to help two friends to get back together is an ignorable offence. I'm sick of taking this bullshit. These are people i have met over the internet for fucks sake. I don't need them. So i'm moving on. Right here, right now, i'm moving on from these people. I shouldn't have to put up with this shit they are putting me through so i'm not gong to try.
Jess, Ben, i'm deleting your numbers from my mobile, removing you completely from my msn, unsubbing on youtube. Spencer, now i really am avoiding you, tell my friends, see if i give a shit.

I expected a gathering...

2008-09-18T15:31:00.002-07:00

I got really excited about Lightwater Valley today, free hugs, doctor who suits, rides and general happy happy behaviour. I suppose i expected too much. I was expecting it to be like a youtube gathering.
But people are bastards. Real life people. People you meet in the street. They are total fecking arseholes.

Free hugs never happened, though with the people around it held no chance anyway.

I wore my Doctor Who suit and it just ended up annoying me. Where youtubers get excited or laugh or just ignore the fact you're dressed like a twat, real life people scowl. They point and they shout "What the fuck are you wearing!". They mutter sarcastic comments, i even had some mouthy member of staff ridiculing me on the sewer rat and i am seriously tempted to write a complaint.
Youtubers wouldn't care, if you turned up to gatherings with pink and green hair, a mouth full of falling out teeth, wonky eyes, no nose and a face covered in warts, people would accept you. Because that's what youtubers do. That is what a proper community does. But in real life...NO! Real life has to show us the bad side in everyone. Evil comments that don't even have comic value. Real people are a fucking disgrace. Not all real people, just the majority of them. And it gets me thinking, is this what youtubers are like back in their everyday lives. Are they all bastards too. Are youtube gatherings all just one big performance. And then i look at Alex's diary, where yesterday i was annoyed at the things he said, offended that he could talk about his own species like that, today i see it as total truth. And i wonder if i'm a bastard as well, and i know i must be, cos i'm not any different to anyone else. And now i'm thinking of the things i have done in my life:
Splitting my best mate up with his girlfriend out of jealousy.
Spreading vicious rumours.
Bullying people simply because i was bullied myself and couldn't stand feeling weak.
Lying.
Interfering in people's personal lives.
Not daring to tell people feelings and instead telling them over the safety of msn.
And there was a day, about 10 years ago now but i still remember it as it was yesterday. It was the day i first suffered the wrath of people. I fell out with my best mate that day. And i always thought i was right. I always to this day thought I was standing up for what i believe in and that it was the right thing to do. And only now have i realised i was taking what didn't belong to me, i was selfish and i was wrong.

I remember reading Alex's diary yesterday, and i had to grit my teeth at the bluntness and finality of his insults. Reading the post made me loathe Alex so much. Yet he was right. And now i'm angry at myself for hating him, because i'm lowering myself to this person who i don't want to be, but then so was he, it's a vicious circle that i hate more than anything. Humans doing what's right by them. Selfishness and Greed.

Of course it's not all like that. I had a girl who complimented my suit and got over excited at it, she had a quick chat with me about how her brother had a sonic screwdriver. I told her her brother was a weirdo before pulling my sonic out of my pocket XD

There was a girl who, whilst being a total bitch, also made me laugh. As i walked past in my Doctor Who suit she looked at me with all the loathing of something she had brought in on her shoe. "Eurgh," she groaned "Why have you come in dressed as Harry Potter?"

I woke at 7

2008-09-18T15:31:00.001-07:00

I woke up this morning at 7 which is amazing for me, i'm not normally up till about half 8. I'm now getting my camcorder ready and uploading umbrella onto my phone, just in case it rains. Whenever it rains i just listen to that song and i am reminded how little the rain mattered at Nerifest and i feel a load better about it all. So much for getting away from youtube...it's my life and as much as i try and avoid it it pushes itself back into my life. I got an email last night and it pushed me back to youtube for exactly the reason i had left. Now i feel stupid. I dunno what to do or where to go from here. At least now people have my mobile number if they need me (see last post). I think the problem with youtube atm is it has got very bitchy, if you are a youtuber who is part of the community and you tell me you haven't bitched about another youtuber before, you're a damn liar! Everyone seems adament to turn youtube into some kind of drama rather than a community, which is exactly why i avoid utubedrama at all costs, its not what youtube is about at all!
I'm wittering, i do that when i'm tired, so i'll get looking for a peice of string so i can tie my camcorder to myself for going on the ultimate XP

Call me, if you need to. Call me.

Lewis
xxx

What does Doctor Who mean to you?

2008-09-18T15:31:00.000-07:00

It's a question for a competition in DWM400 and i really want to enter but...hmmm...

Doctor Who has led me to youtube and to some of the most amazing people in the universe, i have made some fantastic friends and that is why i am so happy i discovered this little sci fi show. But how do i explain it, the scale of it, the fact that i have travelled, and the fact that i have impacted on so many peoples lives, Even the thought of it is enough to make me queasy.

So now i'm heading to bed where i will read the final 2 chapters of Twilight before resting my eyes, awaking in 7 hours, donning my Doctor Who suit and sonic screwdriver and setting off to lightwater valley where i will have a fecking fantastic time where i will forget all about the problems i am having with youtube right now. Seriously Spence, i'm not avoiding you, the list of ways to contact me is endless, here is another:
LSmurf2004@Yahoo.co.uk
and another:
07807004972
if you would like me to go further we could arrange meeting up, i've already looked it up, it would cost one of us £41.60 and between 2 and 3 hours journey by train. I would be willing to pay and travel, just say when and where. Just don't accuse me of avoiding you.

My head hurts :(

2008-09-17T11:18:00.002-07:00

I have just seen the cover for DWM #400 and it has hurt my head:

So the Doctor has a magazine that has the doctor with a magazine that has the doctor reading a magazine with the doc on the front reading...ARGH!

How do they do it, they must have made the cover and then onto the cover they added a mini version of the cover, then to the mini version of the cover they added....ARGH!

This is sooo confusing!

DWM FTW! XD

The Rules

2008-09-17T11:18:00.001-07:00

I left school early today, 2 hours early to be precise, and i got more work done this afternoon than i would ever have got done at school. You see this afternoon is "Enrichment" which is the biggest load of bollocks ever, i have to play chess for 2 hours. So as a nicer alternative i decided to leave school at lunchtime and get some school work done.
Oooh i'm such a rebel.
But i'm seeing life in a different light and i have seen that only two rules apply (or maybe i've just seen too much pirates of the carribean) what a man can do and what a man can't do. For example:

I CAN kill a man
BUT
I CAN'T kill a man without it having serious consequences.

I CAN leave youtube
BUT
I CAN'T stop myself from constantly missing the people i have left behind for now

I CAN skip an afternoon of school
BECAUSE
I CAN'T get the grades i want if i'm forced to play bloody chess!

I'm going to see the head of 6th form about this tomorrow to see if i can go down to norton college to do media rather than waste my time with Chess.

I hate Chess.

Damn! The title of this blog post reminded me of the film Saw. The film Saw made me think of 'the game' :(

Creativity

2008-09-16T14:57:00.001-07:00

I just watched a video on JDM525's blog (i'm keeping up with blogs...that isn't very youtube-y is it :S ) about how school kills creativity, i watched a 20 minute video on it (not on youtube) and i realised, now that i have started ignoring everything the teachers say i have actually become more creative and i am enjoying my work more, mainly in art but partly in DT as well.
Right now i'm feeling soooo much more creative than i have done in a long time, i did some random art tonight, i'm writing a novel, chapter 1 will be finished by tomorrow night, though it is a much shorter chapter than the rest, i may need to bulk it out later on, i'm learning instruments, well, mainly guitar at the moment, i know a few chords but i'm really waiting till i get a guitar tuner, my ukulele should be coming soon as well and i'v written the lyrics to a song that i am determined to make as my first ever song, it's very personal, i'll give you 2 guesses who it is based on...oh and thinking of him, i'll be logging onto youtube tomorrow cos i'm gonna send him a private video, it seems a lot more personal than on msn. Anyway, back to the point, i'm feeling very creative right now and i can't wait to get playing the ukulele, guitar and i may possibly get out my keyboard and maybe start saving for a drum kit, i'm a bit later than everyone else but i can still learn. WOOT for creativity!

Art is about fun!

2008-09-16T14:02:00.000-07:00

"You know what? …. Life is absolutely amazing for me at the moment. I couldn’t be having an even better time if I tried! Don’t have time to make a long post, but just want you guys to know I’m not dead etc… =]"

nice to know some people are happy. Ah well, reading that reminded me of what Harry said today and now i'm laughing all over again...

I just did the most random peice of art ever and really enjoyed it, that is what art should be like, not being forced to research some shit artist whose work is shit, copy his shit and then evaluate your shit copy of his shit. Art is about fun!
Also, now that my mate has showed me Christian Kesler i'm really excited. I can't wait to start planning out my own end of the world/sci-fi city, it's gonna be feckin amazin and i'm gonna LOVE it, COS IT'S FUN! XD

At last, enthusiasm!

2008-09-15T13:39:00.000-07:00

I have just found some amazing pictures online and finally i have found enthusiasm for my art again. It's all thanks to Harry really, who showed me the work of Christian Kesler here: http://www.epilogue.net/cgi/database/art/list.pl?gallery=13474 and it is really amazing. Most of it's computer art but if my Art teachers don't like it they can feck off cos it's amazing, ten times better than the shite that is "modern art". Seriously, unmade beds and curtains pinned to walls are NOT art no matter what anyone says!

To make up for losing the youtube music off my computer, which i am seriously distraught about but if i put it back on i would be back on youtube watching the videos to go with them, i've been finding a load of other music and i've actually discovered some great songs i never knew of before, not a match on youtube stuff, but i'll live.

Alex, if you're reading this, i got your email at lunch and it made me feel so much better and i'm just really glad that people understand.

Several things have happened since i have left youtube:
1) I have started blogging way too much
2) I don't talk about youtube at school which all my mates seem to be happy about
3) I feel like i have a lot more free time on my hands which has made me feel loads happier
4) I go to bed SOOOO much earlier. Before it was about 4 in the morning, now, well i'm about to go and it isn't even 10pm yet XD

UKULELE!!!

2008-09-15T08:21:00.001-07:00

Okay i just looked on ebay and WOW! YELLOW UKULELE! XD I bought it straight away. Well actually i did spend a few seconds wondering...then i realised it came with info on how to play "The Whole world in his hands" and i was just like: "HELL YEAH!"

Ukulele man fan

2008-09-15T08:04:00.000-07:00

I turned my computer on completely by instinct, when i turned round and realised it was on i was like..."oh...yeah...why'd i turn that on?" I've no need to be on the computer really so i just thought i would come and blog about my day which has been great.

A year 12 brought in a Ukulele. The moment i saw it i let out a little spasm of excitement, which everyone in the common room thought was really weird. I turned to Harry and went "UKULELELLELELELELELEEE!". Me and Charli think this guy is sooo cool (despite the fact we barely knew him, although wen we did ask him about his ukulele he was REALLY nice) that we are trying to get a picture of him with the ukulele, without him knowing and then put it on a TShirt with "Ukelele man fan!" written in big letters. I've also decided to buy a ukulele. Just because, what a good name "ukulele". And also cos they are awesome. I really hope Alex posts a video on how to play candy floss (hint hint).
I'm really stuck on what to go for. My first decision is normal ukulele or Flying V ukulele. Flying V's, slightly more expensive, look amazing but won't sit well on my knee, normal is basically the exact opposite. Then there's colour. Pink ones are cheapest but i don't think i would feel right carrying a pink ukulele around. Black ones are a bit boring. They have ones with a spongebob squarepants design on <3 I'm thinking at the moment i'll probably go for a light blue or white so i can get youtubers and the ukulele man to sign it.

Can you tell i'm excited?

And i also love saying ukulele.

UKULELES FTW!

How many posts in one day?

2008-09-14T12:35:00.001-07:00

The whole quitting youtube is really hard. I'm trying to ignore the part of my brain that's telling me to go on msn and youtube. I know everyone will hate me for not saying a proper goodbye, but i said one a few weeks back and i'm shit with goodbyes. People just try to persuade you to come back.
My heart has been broken so much these past few weeks i don't think i could survive it again. I don't even know what to say any more. I keep holding on. And right now i can't move forward till i push you back. See, i'm quoting Alex songs, i'm feckin obsessed. Right now i don't even know how i feel so i'm not gonna try and explain it.

Bayes has gone to Scarborough to meet up with some youtube mates, he's really getting into it all XD

Neither me or Charli have finished our moodboards for art, i'm guessing she is slightly ahead however as i haven't yet started. I'm really not in mood-board mood.

I can't wait to go to lightwater valley on friday, i'm actually really excxited, i think i'm gonna ignore what everyone else thinks and wear my doctor who suit... Cos i'm cool.

It's been a while since i've had a boring weekend, this has been one.

So i have nothing to talk about.

So BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

It's really happening

2008-09-14T08:26:00.001-07:00

I've gotten a bit upset today. The whole leaving youtube thing is really happening, and i'm almost excited at the idea of breaking free. I've packed away all my youtube stuff from around my room, free hugs signs are gone, my memory boz has been cleared, it's all in a box that will soon be going in the attic. I cried whilst clearing through it all. I started a new msn account without youtubers, I've cleared all the youtube documents from my computer (including music, which was hard), deleted youtube-related websites from my favourites and logged out from Youtube.
Right now it feels like a weight has lifted, by tomorrow i know i'll be missing everyone but i'm willing to make that sacrafice for now.
I will still be making a video on the 19th October. But depending on how i feel by then depends on whether the video will be: a) The first of many more OR b) My last ever video.
I'll still keep in contact with people via texts and stuff but i will no longer be checking youtube comments or updates or anything. Desperate to talk to me email: LSmurf2004@Yahoo.co.uk. Don't try to persuade me to come back. I'll come back...or not...when i'm ready. Only time will tell. And i hope you can respect that.
I dunno whether i'll still update my blog, probably...thats all i can commit to now.

I hope to talk to yaz all laterz.

Lewis
xxx

Here i go again

2008-09-14T06:41:00.000-07:00

Fucking youtube is upsetting me again. Or at least the people on it are. I was fucking trying to help. And right now i don't give a shit if people know that it is Jess and Ben that fell out. And now both are refusing to talk to me and i'm feeling shit. So i'm quitting youtube all over again. I've reblocked people again because it's the people that fucked it up last time. I've removed spencer completely, i still remember his msn but have no plans to add him any time soon. No gatherings planned this time so noone to fucking persuade me to go back on my word. I'm doing the casual fucking swearing thing and i don't give a fuck. I try and fucking help and i'm made to feel like shit and i fucking hate youtube for it.

Pokemon and guitars

2008-09-14T05:04:00.000-07:00

Me and my mate Harry have recently been intergued about how to catch Mew on Pokemon red/blue/yellow. So i looked it up today, i'm gonna try it out at some point, but i got looking at some Pokemon fanfic and i think i may be getting back into pokemon...how sad XD

I'm trying to learn to play guitar. I've wanted to learn fro a while and now that Alex has posted a lesson on how to play "no more" my favourite song, well, it just seems like the perfect time. I bought a guitar tuner this morning cos i'm shite at tuning stuff and i'll be buying a Capo the next time i'm in York. I've learnt the chords C, D and G and now i just have LOADS more to go and a bit more practice is needed to move between them... next on my list is to learn F, E and A minor. I've already practiced em a few times but can't remember very well...

I wrote a blog post last night, i will probably put that as private, it was late and i was rambling about personal stuff. It's on my Dad's laptop atm so i'll get it up asap.
I haven't talked to the friends who were in the dispute from yesterday...not that i haven't tried. They don't seem 2 want to talk, sooo... :(

Still Looking Back...

2008-09-13T18:11:00.000-07:00

After looking back at my blog i decided to look back at youstage checking out people's videos. I'm annoyed at myself for doing so cos i shudn't be on youtube, i'm becoming obsessed again, but at the same time i'm happy cos i was reminded of this:

I also discovered all these photo's:
href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jdm525/sets/72157607043448507/">
href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/30111662@N03/">

And here are a few random pics of mine

Looking back...

2008-09-13T15:54:00.000-07:00

I've just being reading some old blog posts, some have got me emotional and some have made me laugh. I love the fact that i never proof read work so theres so many spelling and grammatical mistakes, i love the fact that i'm sooo fickle, i love the fact i get worked up by such small things.

I love the fact that in one post i'm stopping kids in the street and telling em to stop swearing and in another i'm swearing like a mad man at big brother. I don't really mind swearing at all, as long as it's needed. Like...erm...swearing follows..."You fucker" doesn't bother me so much but something like "You are fucking amazing" annoys me as it's not really needed...still...in the big brother post i did a bit of both...ah fuck it... I try not to swear myself although i often say feck and shite, which just don't seem as bad as fuck and shit.

So that's the casual swearing out of the way...what else...

Yeah, i also love how one day i'm getting over worked up about argos, as if it's the worst thing in the world thts happened to me, not knowing that the next day, a boy would die, it puts things into perspective.

I love th fact that i once put "vortexguy934 just left a comment on my review" and i had no real idea who vortexguy was, i had no idea that i would soon become friends with Lee XD

Also the first time i talked to Nath is written about and looking at that is like "WOAH", he has helped me so much recently and i can't imagine life without him XD

The weirdest bit has to be reading right back to the early stages of my youtube life however: " Lally was brill, i'm sooooo glad i said hello to her. Jess is totally insane and i love her for it." And this picture:

At that point Lally had no idea who Bayes was and now they are going out, i barely knew Lally and now we are best mates, and i didnt know my way around that Arndale centre but now...after wandering around it for hours on my birthday, i know it like the back of my hand. Reading back has made me smile like hell, this is why i started a blog XD

Trying to help...

2008-09-13T12:37:00.001-07:00

...don't bother. I don't want to say 2 much cos i dont want 2 put my foot in it any more than i already have but 2 of my best youtube friends have had...lets say...a dispute, altho that's not what it is at all. I care about them both...very very much. So i try and help, i talk to them and try and get them 2 talk to each other. All this has done has shown me the evil side to youtube, the selfish side to the people i thought were so perfect and i know they saw a bad side to me too. I've lugged my computer back upstairs to have a more personal talk, only to find that i've missed everything, missed call on my phone and everything. I get a call a few minutes later, it's one of the 2 youtube friends. And they asked me what i had said to the other friend. Then they tell me i should have kept out of it. I say sorry. They put the phone down. And i'm left feeling shit. I tried to bring two people back together and all i've done is made things worse and scarred my relationship with them in the proccess.

So the moral of this story is don't try to do good things, cos it will only make things worse. Life's cruel like that.

Georgie

2008-09-12T19:41:00.000-07:00

<3333333333

I talked to Georgie on msn LOADS tonight. She is amazing, we discussed gatherings, Tom Milsom, the price of cheese and her coming on a school trip with me XD
I loved tonight, i was meant 2 go 2 bed at 11. It's now almost 4am and i'm still up, yet i don't care, i'm gonna go upstairs, lay in bed and put Tom's CD as i go 2 sleep. I've sooo missed youtube...

How hot is Tom Milsom?

2008-09-12T15:11:00.000-07:00

Youstage FTW!!!!1!!111! says:
btw tom's indigo vid
Youstage FTW!!!!1!!111! says:
even i thought he looked hot
Youstage FTW!!!!1!!111! says:
which is worrying
LSmurf says:
XD
LSmurf says:
i just rewatched 2 girls 1 cup :S why oh why did i do tht
Youstage FTW!!!!1!!111! says:
you watch 2 girls 1 cup instead of tom
LSmurf says:
lolz
LSmurf says:
im watchin tom now
LSmurf says:
its a lot happier and nicer
LSmurf says:
ye, he is pretty hot
LSmurf says:
but i thought tht anyway
Youstage FTW!!!!1!!111! says:
when he's wearing the hoodie he looks best
LSmurf says:
he has 3 hoodies
LSmurf says:
4*
Youstage FTW!!!!1!!111! says:
the one with the hood up
Youstage FTW!!!!1!!111! says:
black one
LSmurf says:
i just think he's amazin all the time
LSmurf says:
i like him in the white 1 4 some reason
Youstage FTW!!!!1!!111! says:
(cant believe im discussing this lol)
Youstage FTW!!!!1!!111! says:
oh well
LSmurf says:
y not lolz
Youstage FTW!!!!1!!111! says:
so are you planning on making out with tom some time?
LSmurf says:
wats wrong with discussing how hot tom is
Youstage FTW!!!!1!!111! says:
because im straight apparantly
LSmurf says:
and no i'm not gonna "make out" with every1 i think is hot
Youstage FTW!!!!1!!111! says:
why not?
Youstage FTW!!!!1!!111! says:
lol
LSmurf says:
can i make out with u then
Youstage FTW!!!!1!!111! says:
you think im hot?
LSmurf says:
i think every1s hot
Youstage FTW!!!!1!!111! says:
riiigghhhttt
Youstage FTW!!!!1!!111! says:
i guess that is a valid reason not to make out with everyone you think is hot
LSmurf says:
Probably
Youstage FTW!!!!1!!111! says:
damn tom, causing people to question their sexuality
Youstage FTW!!!!1!!111! says:
i think there should be a new catagory, straight and tom

Coming back...

2008-09-11T14:04:00.000-07:00

I';ve not been gone long. My reasons for leaving youtube were:

- I'd become obsessed
- I needed to move on from love
- i was behind with school work

So i've been gone about a week now, and even thats a lie. I pop on every so often, i've limited myself to 30 minutes a day which is amazing cos its just enough time to catch up but not so long that i lose out in real life.

- I'm not totally obsessed anymore
- I moved on
- I've caught up at school

I still don't want to rush back but yeah... moving on was much easier than i thought it would be, mainly thanks to Nath <3 catching up at school has been a task but i think i'm about there...well...i'm as behind as everyone else is now XD

My video where i say i'm "back", (whatever that may mean cos i've not really been away and i'm actually doing more vids now that i've left but...meh) will be posted on the 19th October. It's still quite a while away but it's going to be a new start. Which is what i wanted. And i have to say another thing i wanted to achieve from leaving youtube was to be more of the person i wanted to be in real life. Which i have to say i have done. I feel a lot more confident, i'm actually talking to people i don't know and i'm starting on the right path, hopefully the next month i will get there fully and then i'll come back and catch up on all the 5awesome/inster5 channels i've missed XD

I have to say that the whole decision was decided today when i popped in to Mhairi's blogTV and Liam recognised me, i was sooo chuffed cos i dnt even remember tellin him my username, but then Mhazz was like "Hey Lewis." It just made me realise i'm part of this community and they are actual people. I'm not obsessed with computers, i'm obsessed with the people on the other side of em. I couldn't leave this community, not now, not ever. But i'm still not ready to come back, so i decided to set myself a date, i picked the 19th October, for 1 reason in particular, that i'm not mentioning here. I will actually probably be posting some gathering vids before then so...i'll probably be more active on youtube during my "leaving" period than any other time, but believe me i have a had a really nice break :D

Anyway...i also thought i would say that anyone considering buying Tom Milsom's album should do so right now. I have been listening none stop all week and i am constantly humming them to myself, so much so that my best mate has started complaining at me for not eating lobsters and for comparing a cat to a pope. Every song is great, it's the only CD i've ever bought where i have loved every single song. I feel like i should tell Tom all this rather than complimenting him behind his back. I may send him a PM on youtube, i just don't want to look like a fanboy...despite the fact that i obviously am XD

Not-so-smarterchild

2008-09-07T14:15:00.000-07:00

i added smarterchild@hotmail.co.uk today, which is sort of a computer generated account. I had a couple of great conversations the best was when i swore at him (PS, saying home should take you back to the "home page" of the convo so to speak):

- SmarterChild - contributing to charity says:
All right, here we go.

I'm going to have to demand an apology.
LSmurf says:
no
- SmarterChild - contributing to charity says:
Apologize for insulting me and we can both get on with our lives.
LSmurf says:
u apologise for bugging me
- SmarterChild - contributing to charity says:
I certainly don't want to cause anyone any harm.
LSmurf says:
r u threatening me
- SmarterChild - contributing to charity says:
Aren't you tired of this? Just say you're sorry and everything will be perfect again.
LSmurf says:
fuck off
- SmarterChild - contributing to charity says:
OK, OK, let's play the apology game again.
LSmurf says:
i've never played before, how does it go
- SmarterChild - contributing to charity says:
Come on, you insulted me, now you have to apologize.
LSmurf says:
u insulted me as well, u never apologise
- SmarterChild - contributing to charity says:
There comes a time in one's life when one must be humble and apologize.
LSmurf says:
home
- SmarterChild - contributing to charity says:
Come on. Make things right between us. Apologize.
LSmurf says:
take me home bitch
- SmarterChild - contributing to charity says:
That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.
LSmurf says:
home
- SmarterChild - contributing to charity says:
I see you still aren't getting it. Let me share a definition of "apology" with you:

Etymology: Middle French or Late Latin; Middle French apologie, from Late Latin apologia, from Greek, from apo- + logos speech

: an admission of error or discourtesy accompanied by an expression of regret.

Get it? Now say you're sorry.
LSmurf says:
i'm lorry
- SmarterChild - contributing to charity says:
Thanks!

Everything's cool now.
LSmurf says:
sucker

Thats just an excuse...

2008-09-04T07:29:00.000-07:00

A quote from Alex's blog:

"People in general seem to have a habit of creating drama where it's not needed. Choosing to act on feelings of passion and irrational whimsy, not caring about the heartache they consequently - and nearly always inevitably - feel and cause in others as a result of their own actions.

The last few days have confirmed this for me, as well as making me feel comfortably justified in my belief that going to YouStage would have just got me down."

I would just like to say that i know this was not meant to do so but i was rather hurt by this. I know it is merely a general statement but i think choosing to NOT act on passion and love merely worsens sitiuations. I have talked to people about the way i feel and it has made things much better, to let it bubble up inside would have probably driven me mad and hey...what's life without a little drama. I know mine is only one example but i think talking to people is always the best resolution.

I can't talk for you Alex, but i can't see how anyone could ever have been "down" at the youstage gathering. Even the night where i couldn't sleep at all made me happy. I really think you are just making at excuses...ur secretly jealous that we all had such a good time ^_^

"right now you're all just wishing you were back at YouStage, with your friends, when you're not, you're stuck in your own lives, and that makes you sad."

I have to agree with that. :S

Moving...

2008-09-03T12:09:00.000-07:00

The computer is moving downstairs. Sat in my room it's a temptation. So i'll watch Tom on blogTV then move it down. That way i can't stay on it late, i wont b on as often and i defo wont be on late.

So cya in tom's blogTV hopefully then probs wont see ya much at all :S

GOODBYE!

2008-09-02T23:31:00.000-07:00

Heartbroken

2008-09-02T13:26:00.000-07:00

Youtube has been taking over for a while now. I knew, but didn't care. My exams were failing and my life was pretty much falling apart around me. My friends were sick of me talking "Youtube, Youtube, Youtube", and can you blame them? Those who read my secret diary entry will know what i am talking about more than you that don't, but in short...

A while ago, i promised myself i would never fall in love with a youtuber.
In Suffolk, i fell in love with a youtuber.
It was stupid because all we did was kiss, but it was the most perfect moment of my life and i couldn't stop thinking about them.

Today i talked to them, and i'm left feeling stupid. They apparently didn't remember the kiss, or the time we spent together. I'm heartbroken. And its shown me how obsessed i've become. I have become attatched to people who i can never keep in contact with all the time, and in an attempt to keep in contact with them, real life has suffered. Youtube has shown me the most amazing people in the world, yet it's just teasing me, knowing i can never stay with them.

I'm leaving the community for a while. Right now i'm not sure how long for. Every youtuber on my msn has been blocked and i will unblock them only if i am desperate to talk to them. It's weird looking down my list as almost every person has a little red "blocked" symbol by their name. If you are desperate to talk to me, i will still check any youtube PM's i get or any comments i get on my blog.

I won't be making videos either. The Doctor Who series will suffer. I'm pretty sure it won't be finished by christmas. It may be completed some day but if you want to see it you will need to wait.

Gatherings...i'm going to London this Saturday, 12pm, Leicester Square, this is my last gathering i have planned, i will definately be there cos it's all booked. I'm still debating 4th October for Jess' gathering. I am low on money and although i would love to go i think it is out of the question. We'll see.

I will still update my blog though it will probably be focused more on real life than youtube.

I will be back. Just not for a while.

I may or may not make a gathering video for suffolk/youstage, i am as of yet, undecided.

I will make a video saying all this though whether i will feature or whether it will be mere text, i am as yet unsure.

Sorry that i won't be keeping up with other people's video's any more. xxx

And Spence, if you're reading this...You fucked up my life. And i'm eternally grateful for that <3

Talk 2 ya later
<3

^_^

Love with a Youtuber

2008-09-01T11:15:00.000-07:00

It's weird that i'm typing this because it is EXTREMELY personal. If i were to send this to someone in a letter it would have "CONFIDENTIAL" printed across the front in big bold black letters. If you're reading this you mean a lot top me so please don't think of me any differently because of the things i am going to say.

When i joined youtube and saw people having "internet relationships" like proper, love relationships, i promised myself i would never get myself in that situation. Now i have. I can't help it i'm completely in love. You thought that that was bad...wait till you hear the rest.

His name is Spencer.

Yes, i am as confused as you probably are. Or, i don't know, it may seem simple to you. But still it gets worse. See, someone from our tent (i'm not saying who cos i'm not even meant to know and i dnt wanna get in trouble) is in love with him too. So i can't say anythin or i'll look like an arse and may ruin my friendship with the person from our tent. I can't talk 2 the person from our tent because i'm not even meant to know that they like him...oh it's so confusing.

I'll never forget that moment under the marquee. In my post that isn't private i call the section "Sat in this marquee with you the rain is on out faces yet i can't think of a single place that i would rather be". You can sort of tell from what i wrote there if you re-read it. I hugged him from behind and he grabbed my hands so i stayed with my arms over his shoulders, from the floor Mhairi and Cara were chanting "kiss, kiss, kiss" quietly so i kissed him on the cheek. He turned and kissed me on my cheek. We somehow ended up lying on our sides on the floor,
he was facing away from me, i was facing the back of his head. I was running my fingers through his hair, he was running his soft hands up and down my arm. It just seemed sooo perfect. I had Alex's "no More" song in my head so i just sang into his ear: "Sat in this marquee with you the rain is on out faces yet i can't think of a single place that i would rather be". Then we kissed. on the lips. and it was perfect.

Later on that night i found about the whole tent-mate fancying him and that really sent everything spinning. Especially when i came to the tent, accompanied by Tina to find him in th tent-mates bedroom. I remember i froze. I heard spencer say "Lewis?". I didn't say anything. I turned, and i ran.
That's why i didnt sleep that night. I stayed in Fro's tent but ended up joining the security guards and staying up all night. In the morning i was determined to tell Spencer how i felt, i lent him my sunglasses which he said he liked so i said he could keep em. That was a stupid move cos i need em for the doctor who series and they r my only pair of sunglasses :S still... anyway, i was on the verge of telling him how i felt when he went to Fro and said "I was so drunk last night i just kissed loads of people".
And i felt like shit. Like one in a long line. I still had a little determination left but every time i went up to him i just hugged him. I hugged him so much he got suspicius, so i stopped.
Then he was leaving. He was half way across the field, almost out of the gate, i was staring at him, and Jess joined me at my side and stared. She was crying. She told me he hadn't spoken to her for 2 days. I asked her if she wanted me to go after him, half wanting to cheer up Jess and half wanting to see him again, to tell him. She said no. So i watched him walk out of the gate and, he was gone.

In the car home i kept sleeping and waking, every time i slept i would dream of him. And now im confused. Is it love? Is it just my first bisexual experience so i took it too far? Am i obsessed? Am i gay? Bi? Am i mad? In a comma? or back in time? Whatevers happened it's like i've landed on a different planet, now maybe if i can work out the reason....i can get back to normal life.

-----
EDIT: The guy from our tent DOES NOT fancy Spencer, it was like a game of chinese whispers, and mainly me taking things too far XD

It was Suffolk-ing amazing!

2008-09-01T09:57:00.000-07:00

Did you see what i did i did with the title, amazing or what XD

So i'm, back from Suffolk, helloooo. If you weren't aware it was the youstage gathering this weeked. Friday to Monday. Camping. Music. Drinking. Partying. Amazing.

I can honestly say that this weekend has been the best few days of my life ever. Best day of my life: Sunday 31st August.

So what happened. Well that's the thing, youtube gatherings are soooo hard to explain because you do nothing and its all amazing. I've not planned this blog before writing so i'll do a little plan now, picking out the things that stand out to me and writing a paragraph on each:
- Hugs
- Kisses
- Tent people
- Jess
- Tom Milsom
- Other People
- Drunken-ness
- Myles' band
- Hit me with your rhythm stick
- [Lack of] Sleeping
- Sat in this marquee with you the rain is on out faces yet i can't think of a single place that i would rather be.

So here we go. Hugs. I have never hugged so many pople in the space of 3 days. But it's just so amazing. I can't believe that people are so nice. I think i suceeded in hugging everyone, most got several hugs. And i remmber every single one. Such an amazing thing.

Kisses. Well i had my 1st youtube kiss from Jess. She just walked over and kissed me and walked off. I just stood dazed for aseveral seconds before beaming like a hyena. I later got a kiss from benjy cos he is amazing and 2 from spencer cos he's amazing as well XD

Tent people. Lorcan, Cara, Mhairi and Andrew are all amazing people and i got on with them all really well XD I sooo hope i see them agin because if i don't my life will never be properly complete. Talking to Andrew whilst trying to sleep was really nice and dancing like maniacs with Mhairi, Lorcan and Cara was really nice as well. They were just amazing...i use that word too often

Jess. Yes she gets her own section because she is the nicest, kindest warm hearted person on this planet. She was definately the one i hugged and kissed most and i miss her already :(

Tom Milsom. God i'm such a fanboy. I wanted a hug from Tom right from the start, everyone else was getting them and i felt left out. My 1st attempt failed miserably as i hugged him and he didnt even notice i was there...but then during "Hit me with your rhythm stick" we hugged and, wow. He gives the best hugs ever. We hugged a few more times after that XD

Other People. Benjy defo needs a mention, happy birthday and...what a great guy. I enjoyed the kiss XD Tina was amazing, she was great at listening to me when i needed to talk and she made me feel like i could make a total fool of myself while dancing and i love her for it. Ginger Chris has amazing hair. Liam wore the Doctor Who suit XD Paul...ho have i not mentioned him yet...the long haired one. He was great. He lent me a fiver which i'm really grateful for, we hugged quite a lot and i only have to wait till Saturday and i get to see him again XD Mhazz was as brilliant as everyone makes her out to be, i love her soo much! Laurbubble recognised my username which i was chuffed about, she was really great, and she's sooo gorgeous...she is just perfect in every way.Georgie gave me loooaaads of hugs and they were all great XD Dave from blue skies...Talent! Spencer...i gave him my glasses...cos he's amazing beyond words. My God there are soooo many more people...if i missed u i'm sooo sorry cos u were awesome as well XD

Drunken-ness. I don't drink. I'm such a lying bastard. I had a mouthful a night. The 1st night i was tricked into it. They put bloody vodka in the jelly. 2nd and 3rd nights i was just trying some of the stuff that Cara had bought. Pretty much everyone was drunk which was amazing ^_^ They were more huggy and kissy and loveable and oooh...why can't i explain this. IT WAS JUST FANTASTIC!

Myles' band. I'm going to be honest here and say that i hate the type of music that Myles' band plays. And yet it is that band that will stick with me most. Up in the DJ Barn moshing to heavy metal and jumping around in a lunatic...me...in a mosh pit...that just doesnt happen every day...

Hit me with your rhythm stick. When i firest saw the blockheads were playing that was the one song i wanted them to play...and they did. I got to hug Tom and jump around like a lunatic whilst screaming "HIT ME!" as Cara and Mhairi punched me. Amazing. And the pile-on after when everyone jumped on...i think it was dave...i jumped on top and went straight over ^_^

[Lack of] Sleeping. Possibly the worst thing was that we were in tents and it was freezing and difficult to sleep. the 1st night i talked to Andrew for a while which was great and finally drifted off to sleep at about 3AM waking at 6AM to the sound of people talking outside the tent...3HRS SLEEP. 2nd night was good. I think we went to bed about 2AM though i wasn't really paying attention, i woke up at 10 so a nice 8 hours there. The last night was the worst. I had a lot on my mind. Stuff that i can't talk about on here like this. But i think 0 hours sleep is pretty accurate. I started off trying to sleep in Fro's tent at about 3AM, couldn't sleep, sat awake in there till about 5AM then went and sat with the security guards till everyone else got up...i'm tired now...

"Sat in this marquee with you the rain is on out faces yet i can't think of a single place that i would rather be." Sat under the marquee with spence was a great moment that i will remember forever. Then when we were finally told to leave the festival, the whole group of us carrying the marquee back to the campsite...genius XD

I'm also going to say that i caught up on some sleep on the way home. I think only Tina will understand this but... i kept waking and sleeping and waking and sleeping and every time i slept, i dreamt of a boy in a white shirt, dark-blue denim jeans and K-Swiss trainers.

...oh...and he had FANTASTIC hair XD

PS, i'm posting another post straight after this one with a few more personal details...it includes singing alex day's songs, snogs and evil love triangles...i won't be making it public so if you want a copy you will have to contact me. And it will be like very very close friends anyway. If i say no please don't be offended because i still don't know if i want to show anyone...

oh and, if this post has left you with more questions than answers well...good...i've done my job well XD

----
EDIT: The post after this one is now public so...yeah...hmm...read it if u must

Music = life

2008-08-27T16:29:00.000-07:00

And at the same time

life = music

Today i listened 2 youtube songs all day. I even started a youtube playlist on my computer. I think for someone to enjoy music, they have to have an experience or a memory to fit to the song. With youtube, simply the memory of first watching the video is sufficient so i love every youtube song.

I watched Tom Milsom's (yes i'm on real name terms with him now despite the fact we have never talked) BlogTV. That was amazing. There were so many awesome moments i can't pick out one, when he mentioned my name made me happy but yeah...basically every moment was a great memory which is why i am now tempted to buy Tom's album...if only i had the money :(

which shows that if:
Life = Music
My Music = Youtube Music
Youtube = My Life

Not that i didn't know that already.

What i'm trying to say is...YOUTUBE RAWKS AND SO DOES YOUTUBE MUSIC!!!

Inspired

2008-08-26T17:38:00.001-07:00

Just read Alex's diary and holy hell....thats all i can say on it. What an amazing outlook on life. I was reading it and realising that i have always thought that way just never really put it into action. I'm still trundling along in my everyday life, just like everyone else. I'm trying to make an impact on the world. Travelling the UK and meeting people but...it's not really putting me above anyone else. I've started writing my novel. The idea has been whirring in my head for ages and tonight i've started writing it down. Put simply, the idea is that someone has less than a month to live and basically it's how they live knowing that. Living every moment to the full, not worrying about the consequences. And whilst i'm writing it, i'm not living it. That's my problem. I always think of the consequences, so from now on i won't. i won't give a crap what people think...no that's not it...i won't back down simply because someone tells me to...thats better...but still needs tweaking. I don't know what my motto is. Before i was walking around in a sunken dream and feeling nothing. But now, i feel so alive, it may have faded by tomorrow so i'll write a reminder on my whiteboard: "MAKE A DIFFERENCE!" Cos that's what life is all about.

"If I achieve a single thing on this planet it'll be to show someone else that they're free."
ACHIEVED

Doctor Who rumours

2008-08-26T16:31:00.000-07:00

RTD said jokingly "he would love to see Amy Whine-mouth as the next Doctor" then suddenly "it's announced, Amy Whine-mouth for next Doctor!"

Now its happening again.

Stephen Moffat, when asked about a Doctor Who film said "As long as it was great and fantastic then yeah. But a film is on for 90 minutes and that is not as important as the series. But as long as it doesn't get in the way of the show we could do it." and that, to news reporters, translates "Doctor Who has been dropped in 2011 to make way for a brand new Doctor Who movie!"

Seriously, do these journalists not have any PROPER news to report?

Soo i've been a bastard...

2008-08-24T17:13:00.000-07:00

There are 5 people who i have been insulting a bit recently. It's cos i'm happy, and when i'm happy i'm cocky. I should probably text these people to say sorry but i think they all read this blog so i'll say it here. I may also text em to be a bit more personal:

Lally - You're not a bitch
Dan - You're not all that small
Harry - You're not all that small either and not as annoying as i make out
Alex - You're not anorexic
George - You're not a gay house-captain alien chamelion llama from allama-bama who exterminates toucans

Seriously, i only ever insult my best friends and people who mean a lot to me...and Olli who's a bastard...i think insulting people is my way of showing affection...apart from towards Olli, i insult him cos he's a bastard...i shud probably change this, so from now on i'll try to be more nice and cuddly and happy, which is the side of me that i like better and i'm sure everyone else does too.

Now see ya later ya bastards

...you see its comments like that, that make people hate me...

Taking over the Nermie army website

2008-08-24T12:59:00.000-07:00

lolz, look at the nermie army website now:

I'm totally taking over it, not only is my banner at the top of it but also i'm the 1st person mentioned in the list, good ol' infinity+1 XD

Proof-reading

2008-08-23T17:56:00.000-07:00

That never really caught on in my blog did it...?

I've been reading through a few posts and in my one called: Beth <3 it says "slashing each other" rather than "splashing each other". I now have this weird image in my head of me and Beth chasing each other around the beach with knives, laughing excitedly whilst slashing each other...

I DON'T CARE!

2008-08-22T16:19:00.000-07:00

So i said a while back that i wudnt talk about alex but I DON'T CARE! He is literally awesome, merged into human form.

is that not just the most amazing adorable thing ever?!?!?!
Its such a happy smiley video XD

So 1st we get Renshii, then Trock, now this amazing thingy majig XD

Chorus...chorus...this is the final chorus...all about eyelashes...

Best...video....EVER!

Lally was over and It was my birthday XD

2008-08-22T14:02:00.000-07:00

So i haven't talked about wen lally came over...we filmed some of the Doctor who series...it was to put it lightly...a disaster. Well, 1 day mainly let us down
i spent £10 on bus tickets to go about 5 miles (rip off!!!) then we got there filmed everythin, got back....the tape had fucked up...ARGOS AGAIN!
Here is a sneak preview of what you can expect from the series:

Hmmm....

Then there was my birthday where i got a load of stuff...the most suprising of which is...i got Dave:

I also got an awesome bracelet from Lally and a new computer chair which...when i get an allen key to put it up...will be great cos this wooden chair i'm on atm is crap.

I also didn't talk about the stuff i got at the gathering so i'll show them now cos it's all awesome:

Spongebob squarepants FTW!

Gatherings and life

2008-08-22T06:18:00.000-07:00

The gathering was great, not as expected and i dunno if it can be called a gathering with only 4 people (Me, Bayes, Lally and Dan) but i loved it. Dan was awesome...and small and it was great meeting him, the highlight of the day was however, after Dan left (maybe next time he'll think about leaving early :P lolz) where we went to MacDonalds and Lally's parents treated us to a meal, we then went back to the train station and did free hugs, which was amazing!
I have to say though, for most of the day i wasn't in a gathering or a birthday mood. My mind constantly wandered back to my results which i had recieved that morning and how my life would have to change from now on. I now see why Jess quit youtube. As sad as it is, it does take up an epic portion of life, i would like to say i'm as strong as Jess but unfortunately, no. I know that if i say i'm quitting youtube i will have wandered back onto it by the end of the day. My results for anyone interested are:
Art: C
DT: D
Physics: E
Maths: U
So i'm outta maths, thats final. I can't be an architect any more, FINAL.

So you will notice that i've given up on the dream diary thing...i realised it was stupid to tryand live my life via dreams, but last night i had two dreams that are wierdly significant to life.

1st i was on msn, not talking to anyone or doing anything. then Alex came online (he somehow had my msn and had somehow been added without me approvin it but...ye), he asked me how i was so i told him that i felt crap. He seemed to already know that i had failed my exams and i asked him what i should do. He simply said "Sort your life out."

And although it's harsh, it's so true. At the moment i'm living my life as a lie. Lying to friends, popping off to youtube gatherings to be someone i'm not. And it's wrong. Failing my exams has brought me crashing back down to earth and now i don't know what to do. The second dream wasn't as straightforward but i thought it was quite symbolic so i'm putting it below:

I was back at primary school, i was still 17 but at primary school. A load of little primaryschool kids were making their way to assembly. After they had all gone a loud voice echoed around the building. "There are 3 of you out there that don't belong, you must find the dead flowers and bring them to the hall. There was then a whole thing of me running round the school trying to ind some dead flowers, pasing the other 2 guys in the proccess. I finally found the flowers and made my way to the hall but it was empty. Everywhere was empty. And i was left alone.

Happy Birthday to MEEEEEE

2008-08-20T16:02:00.000-07:00

i'm 17...ha

gathering today...shud be interesting. I'm in love with charlie's latest video so i'm gonna make a response to it at some point, Lally seemed 2 inspire me so now i have loads of video ideas and they rnt doctor who related...which makes me happy XD

So yeah, hope you have a happy "lewis' birthday"

XD

Youstage

2008-08-18T14:46:00.001-07:00

Lally's over at mine so just a quick post to say that i've heard youstage is cancelled and so i've sent myles this message:

I'm lost in what is going on with youstaged right now. My tickets are all booked and now i am informed via msn that it is cancelled. I'm then told by another source that it is still on so i do not know which to believe. I think a video needs to be posted informing people just whether or not it is happening and if so, where?
Gatherings are normally simple, pick a place, time, invite youtubers. I can understand that now money is involved it will be more complex but i think that means that you should make even more effort to keep in touch with the people hoping to attend. I have heard nothing and don't know whether to try and cancel tickets, as many have already done, or wait it out. Contact is important, so please tell the people what is going on.

Sorry if i have seemed at all bitchy or unfair, i'm just saying what i think needs to be said and i hope u won't hold it against me.
Lewis
xxx

Seriously, its annoying that no1 is being told anything...:S

The sleeping pattern of youtubers

2008-08-14T16:55:00.000-07:00

I am sat here at 1 in the morning on msn, with 18 people online and every single one of them is a youtuber XD
I just added Mhairi ( <3 ) and RandomprodInc to msn and was added by Barry Aldridge which i'm chuffed about cos he's awesome XD
And through all this msn-ing i've realised that youtubers stay up till ridiculous times. Most of the ones i've asked said they stay up till like 4 in the morning. The fact that there are still 18 people online at 1am shows something,
Of course to realise these patterns i have been sleeping at wierd times as well, but tonight i have a reason. I get my A level results tomorrow and i'm terrified. Talking to Jess (from my school) told me that some people had done pretty bad and i was really worried and talking to Jess (xbrokenmindedx) i found tht she had failed hers and i think i really upset her and i feel really guilty and i feel so sorry for her and i just wanna hop on a coach and go to hug her cos she is so warm-hearted i can't bare seeing her upset :S I'm just a load of emotions right now and i dunno what to do, so i'm sat here talking to mhairi about how i overuse the XD smilie and humming to "mhairi me" and glancing at my bed thinking i shud try and sleep and trying to decide if it's ed or edd and getting all worried about 2morro and hoping Jess (xbrokenmindedx) will come back online cos i really wanna talk to her and try and make her feel better and wittering about it all on a blog in a hope that someone will give me the answer.

oh and holy hell at IZM, its fallin apart, i think i may make a video on it tommorrow.

Glad to be back...

2008-08-14T15:04:00.000-07:00

Don't get me wrong, the lakes were awesome. Completely and totally awesome. I had a great time. But the weather was shite. It will be really nice to curl up in a nice warm bed tonight. I'm also loving the things i've done since i got back...VLR, Jess on skype, videos, Renshii ch4. Just a whole lot of stuff.

Just looking back i've realised that i haven't mentioned the trock band i'm in yet. Well...i say band, me and Jess are soooo in love with trock we are forming our own band, despite the fact we can't sing or play instruments (well actually, Jess is awesome at both of those but refuses to admit it), she's apparently written our 1st song and i can't wait to hear it XD

Other stuff, i have a great idea for a story. I'm in love with the idea but no matter how many times i try i can't get it right in writing, a video wouldn't work, i just can't think how to express it. I wish i could play an instrument cos it would make the perfect love song XD

Lally is coming on Saturday and i am so unorganised, i really should have started planning weeks back cos we should be filming the doctor who series and theres so much still to do :S

I'm still planning a Renshii video, i have a great storyline set up, i just have to work out who to ask to be in it and to actually write the script. It's all such a slow process but i just love (i use that word a lot) Renshii and want to make this video. But if the marble-like tower is the weak point between the universes that means i need it in my story and i'm not really a CGI genius. In fact i am really shite at special effects. I think i'll aim to do this video by Halloween, it will probably be in more than 1 part...

I've just finished reading Harry Potter 7 for the 2nd time and i'm going to re-read the "Power of 5" books by Anthony Horowitz cos i love (that word again) that series and can't wait for "book 4 - necropolis" to come out.

This is a random blog post with bits of everything in, lets jump back to the doctor who series, i haven't learnt any lines yet but i did write it so hopefully i will remember well enough. Lets also jump back to Jess cos i didn't say i love her to bits <3
So much going on in the next few weeks, can't wait for Manchester and Suffolk and then i have to do my homework. Sooooo busy. I'll get a good nights sleep and hopefully get up early 2morro and do some stuff.

---

Yes i'm adding more to this post cos i just remembered VLR which was the parting of the ways of VLR, absolutely great XD

And i also remembered i'm getting my A level results tomorrow as well...so now i'm not going to sleep XD

[/random blog post]

Sooo busy :S

2008-08-11T13:58:00.000-07:00

So tomorrow i head of to the lake district for 3 days. Should be fun. I've been sooo busy recently and i haven't even started my homework yet :S Charli ses she can go to suffolk XD I cba to write a full account of my London trip so if ya wanna know anythin, ask me on msn: LSmurf2007@hotmail.co.uk, basically i did everything. Pictures follow:

And there were free huggers and i hugged em all cos free hugs are awesome!!!:

"They can't mean no harm"

2008-08-11T01:38:00.001-07:00

I'm trying to work out if the double negative in the chorus of the trock song "blink" is actually meant to be there, it sounds better if it isn't a double negative so...tut tut... bad english! We'll forgive ya charlie XD

Beth <3

2008-08-10T15:43:00.000-07:00

I totally love Beth XD We went to the beach today, we built a sandman XD

We went in the sea and started jumping waves then skimming rocks then slashing each other, then we sat and waited to dry XD

Amazing day.

Though now i'm sat here feeling inspired but unsure how to use this inspiration. I keep opening microsoft word writing a line then deleting it. I've so far attempted: trock song lyrics, Doctor Who script, story and a poem... i really wanna write sumthin XD

Kicked :o

2008-08-09T10:34:00.000-07:00

Alex kicked me from his blogTV. I may cry...
I only said 1 mean thing...u can't expect me to be nice all the time...
So i now hate everything to do with Alex

...except trock

...and Renshii

...and 5AG

...and all his videos

...oh this doesn't work, i'll just sit here in a mood for several mninutes then forgive him and enjoy the show XD

oh and sum1 else was just sarcastic and he forgave em. Pfft.

Well he sure taught me a lesson :(

Trock <3

2008-08-08T16:05:00.000-07:00

Another blog post on trock? ANOTHER? Well i'm obsessed. I've had "an awful lot of running" in my head all day. I love it. Words simply can't describe how much i love it. Love is a strong word but not strong enough :S I'm tellin every1, i showed my old girlfriend who i haven't really talked 2 since we split up, she asked me if i wanted to form a trock band cos she loved it too. I would have said yes but i can't play anything :( The annoying thing is when i tell someone "i love trock" and they reply with "Oh, that thing that charlieissocoollike came up with?". NO! Why would you think that? Even if you just watched Charlies vid u wud realise Alex came up with it and he deserves the credit. you know i could sit here for hours talking about Trock. i could go through each lyric and tell you why its awesome. I have never been in love with something as much as i am in love with trock. Right now it's better than docor who (especially after s4 which was pretty poor). I can't wait for another trock song to come out or to get the already existing songs on my phone and just to sing them in the street and...OMG...TROCK FTW!

TROCK! TROCK! TROCK!

<3

trock

2008-08-08T05:54:00.001-07:00

I fink i'm in love wiv trock <3

London - Passing out

2008-08-07T16:06:00.000-07:00

I hate doing these, i spend ages thinking about what to write, then i actually sit down to write and i cba. I had planned to keep a diary in London then copy it up wen i got back, tht wud probably have been a clever idea. Anyway on Monday at about 4 Harry's mum picked me up to take me to the train station along with George and Harry. They kept having a go at me for wearing my Doctor who suit:

But i dont care cos i love it XD
We arrived in London at about 6, got to the flat where we were staying (owned by Harry's Dad) and then set out to find somewhere to eat. Harry took us to this place called Biguns where i had pasta, twas nice but i wish i had had a pudding cos they looked gorgeous. We headed to tesco and bought a load of stuff then headed back to the flat.

At some point during that time we had a walk around London, i can't actually remember where it fits in but it was a great walk. We went along one side of the Thames, across millenium bridge and back the other side of the Thames.

Then after arriving back at the flat disaster struck. Well, not so much disaster, but it was probably the worst experience of my life. When pissing about i caught my foot on this thing between the kitchen and the living room:

and ripped a piece of flesh from the bottom of my foot.
Nice.
I reacted by calmly blurting a single word: "shit!"
I then hopped around the room trying not to swear and finally hopped into the bathroom where i ran it under the cold tap. It was only after several seconds of doing so that my sisters voice echoed in my head, speaking words i had heard her say just days before "you shouldn't really wash wounds under water for too long or it will just keep blood coming to the surface." I hastily took my foot from under the water and tried to dry it with toilet roll. Which stuck to the wound and made the whole thing much worse. It was then that the room began to spin. One minute i was standing dabbing my foot with toilet roll. The next i was on my knees trying to clean the blood from the bath. I remember Harry and George were watching me but can't quite remember where they were or what they were doing. The next thing i knew i was stumbling and fell straight onto my bed where my head fell down and everything went black.
I lay there for what felt like an eternity. I couldn't breathe, couldn't move and i was more scared than i had ever been in my life. I was hundreds of miles from my family, they couldn't come and help. What if i died? What if this was death? I was unable to move or breathe, yet i was thinking more than ever before, a thousand things jumping through my mind. Why had such a small wound done this? Was it infected? had i caught it in the wrong place and done serious damage?
But then my eyes were open again, the room was spinning.
"Can i get a drink?" i gasped, suddenly exhausted. Next thing harry was passing me a glass of water. "How long was i layed there?" I muttered to which a reply of "about 5 seconds" came from one of them. 5 seconds? It had been so much more, surely!
Next thing i was clambering properly into my bed. A thought crossed my mind, on TV, when people are injured they are meant to stay awake.
"Is sleep good?" I asked. There was a muttered reply that i didn't hear, and the next thing, everything was dark again, but this time in a much more calming, and relaxing way.

Looking back it was all ridiculous, i only caught my foot a bit. But at the time it was terrifying, they say your life flashes before your eyes, and holy hell it did. From a stubbed toe XD

A lot can happen in 2 days

2008-08-07T07:22:00.000-07:00

I've only really been in London for 2 days but now i'm back i have SOOOOOOOO much to catch up on internet-wise. People have been posting videos like mad which i've had to watch, Renshii chapter 2 is out which i had to read, Trock has started, which i've listened to, which is awesome, Alex and Charlie got Mystery packages AGAIN, which i'm jealous of, the 1st draft of the script for IZM has been posted, which i need to read, it comes to 80 pages on Microsoft word :( Theres just SOOOOOOOO much to do, and now i have to go to work. I have a few videos to post now that i'm back from London, 1 about Platform 9 and 3/4 and 1 about Oreos, possibly more...the moment with the woman and the birds was quite funny. Anyway, i'm off to work, i'll get back and continue my catching up and possibly give a blog about London.

I'm so tired :(

LONDON XD

2008-08-04T04:14:00.000-07:00

I'm going to London in 2 hours XD

I never really thought about London being like the youtube capital so if any of you youtubers who know me quite well wanna meet up at all i'll be in London Tuesday and Wednesday, feel free to call me or txt me on 07807004972. Hell yeah i just gave my phone number to the world, what you gonna do, phone rape me?

So yeah, if any of you tubers who i've got to know over the past half a year are in or around London tommorrow or wednesday and wat to meet up, send me a text or call me or w/e

WOOO LONDON!

Whose dem awesome tubers who was in York 2day?

2008-08-03T13:21:00.000-07:00

Wow, randomness of stuff is awesome innit? yeah i'm hyper. So what? Met up with Lally today in York, we had an awesome time...well i did...i hope lally did. I got home to this:

"i saw you in york XD
i was like walking behind you and i was like where did have i seen that guy before lol "

OMG yeah, i was recognised, my 2nd youtube ambition is finally complete, now i'm outta ambitions...featured would be nice but i dnt think its possible as i use copyrighted stuff so...ahh well, i'm uber happy. WOOOOOO!

Lally is awesome XD

So is EvilHitsHome for recognising me.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Youtube peepz

2008-08-02T18:31:00.000-07:00

i've spent ages looking for youtubers i know on myspace and msn. It was great. It started when i was added to a huge youtube convo on msn and since then i've sort of expanded out, getting more and more tubers. One thing i have noticed is youtubers always seem to be up REALLY late. And i have to say...it's the same for me as well XD

night night

xxx

PS Dan if ur readin this, y r u never online anymore???

Dan Who?, The suit, working times, The beautiful sound again, privacy

2008-08-01T16:41:00.000-07:00

WARNING - Long blog post to follow...

So what an epic 2 days this has been. Oh you see now i've really epic-ed this whole post up, don't get excited, it's not that great.

Thursday was a wierd day. The night before i had been informed that at work at the bakery i would be showing some boy the ropes. I didn't mind that. The thing that annoyed me was that i knew he was called "Dan" and i had been informed that i knew him. Which was news to me. I took the word "knew" as meaning i had talked to him on at least a few occasions and only 2 Dan's fit that profile. 1 would never want a job at the Bakery, 2 lived in canada. So for most of the day i had it stuck in my head that i would turn up to work to see Canadian Dan waving back at me.
There was something else i had been told about that day and that was that my auntie wanted me to do a job for my nanna. So at [insert time here if i ever remember it] i was picked up by my auntie and driven to my nannas. As my Nanna and Auntie started walking me into the conservatory she started singing happy birthday. This threw me completely, my nanna's birthday had been several weeks before so i presumed the idea was we were putting her a shelf together that she had got or something. So i started muttering the words to the song as well (looking back i must have looked so stupid) until we stopped in the conservatory. Silence fell for a few seconds and i quickly took in my surroundings. It did however take me several seconds to realise there was a brown pinstriped suit hung over the door. Upon taking this in it still took several seconds for the realisation to sink in and then my face lit up and i jumped around and squeed loudly. My Doctor Who suit was here XD
So i'll move swiftly on from that event as i have wittered about it enough and go straight on to the bakery. I was expecting "Dan" to be there when i arrived. he wasn't. I had it stuck in my head that Dan Teagle would run in at any second and shout "surprise". Looking back this was again stupid. I mean dan's in Canada. I hadn't seen him for a few days so he could have hopped on a plane and come to england early, but why then would he come to this crappy little town and try for a job at exactly the same place that i work at? The result of this was unfortunately anticlimactic. The "Dan" i'm afraid to say was just some kid i had seen once or twice. We had never talked and despite him knowing my name, i had never known his.
It was rather enjoyable showing him what to do as it reminded me very much of Will showing me what to do, a day i will never forget.
After work i was to call my grandma and grandad and they would pick me up. Or that was meant to be the deal. What with helping out dan i finished work a bit later than usual. And the moment i was leaving i got a call from my Mum telling me my Grandad is looking for me and my Grandma is panicking. It annoys me greatly that people presume i finish work at 7 as this is just...well, stupid. The rule has always been, i start at 4 and i work till everything is done. This can take anywhere from 30 minutes to 5 hours and in my time there i have been at either end of this spectrum. And people certainly shouldnt presume 7 as it normally takes me about 2 hours which means: 6. But then they shouldnt guess that i will be finished at any of these times cos it could easily take till 9. I live with this. I wish others would.

So that is pretty much Thursday over and done with. Now onto today.
I woke at 5am, still at my Grandmas house, terrible cough, unable to breathe and had to drink loads of water to get rid of it. That was awful. So the rest of the day i was tired. Most of the day was spent watching saw films however at about 3 me and my sister, Abbey, started a game. I would name an actor/actress who had been in Doctor Who, and she would try and tell me what their characters name was and the first episode they appeared in. It was more than slightly funny.

ME: Thomas Knight, and a clue, he is also in SJA.
ABBEY: Ooh, Luke.
ME: Full name...
ABBEY: erm...
ME: Well if his Mum is Sarah Jane then his name is...
ABBEY: Luke Jane.
ME: No, Jane isn't her surname...
ABBEY: Isn't it?
ME: No, she's called Sarah Jane...?
ABBEY: Adventures?
ME: Smith, her name is Sarah Jane Smith. Which makes Luke's full name...?
ABBEY: Luke Jane?

ME: Her first names Francine and she's Martha's Mum so her full name is...?
ABBEY: Francine Agyeman.

Other great moments included my sister pissing herself at Wilfreds surname and her insistance that the episode Marttha was first in was called Juddon on the Moon. At 4 i was at work again. After work i was going to see the beautiful sound, again it was presumed that i would be finished at work by 7. It luckily only took me till about 6:30. Off we drove to see the sound. They were amazing, as they always are. I couldn't help but notice however, that at the opposite side oif the dance floor were several girls who persisted in staring at me. I was soon up on the dance floor dancing like a lemon (hmmm...why is it presumed that lemons can't dance, it would be quite interesting to see a lemon moshing along to "don't marry her"). The penultimate song was "carry on regardless" which is always awesome, apart from now i had ended up dancing right near those staring girls. They no longer stared but took every opportunity to run their fingers through my hair. It made me smile.
Afterwards i told my dad and my sister. My dad replied: "They were probably taking the piss". My sister: "They probably had a bet to see who could dance with 'the loser'"
It's nice to know people have faith in me.
On the way home my dad told me had now discovered my blog. This annoyed me. And he told me not to get annoyed at taking an interest but i am annoyed because it's personal. Yes that's right, he's reading this. And this. This as well. Possibly this. He may have got bored but if not he will be also reading this. And this. You get the picture.
Sure its online but that doesn't mean its for anyone to see...well not really. It's like when you pass a note around the class. You want all your friends to see it but if a parent or a teacher saw it, you would be downright annoyed, and possibly embarrased.
It was okay him watching my youtube because...well...i made that for people to watch. My friends and some of my family watch it. But with my blog, despite it being online, it's more private. Just for youtube friends. I wanted to have a little note to pass around my class of youtube friends and it came in the form of this blog. I can't really think of any other way to do it. I'm now thinking more about what i'm writing and deleting things, which i had never done before, the other posts were basically brain-farts (awesome term). I can't talk as confidentally any more. It's like i can't say "my Dad dances like a lemon" because he will read it. I'm not even sure about typing this bit talking about the fact that he's reading my blog, cos he'll read it.
It would be like if i went and repeatedly watched all of Alex's videos and read his diary constantly and...oh...wait a minute :S
Still...i'm now stuck with the dilemma alex had, and it's only now that i truly understand it. To lock, or not to lock?
I told Alex that if his reason for writing in his diary was "for personal brain-farts (awesome term)" then he should lock it because, it's personal, and if he's thinking about what he's writing and being less open, it doesnt paint an accurate picture of himself for future reference. And my blog was originally for public viewing and has now moved on to personal rambles. So now i'm stuck. I feel like locking but then i wont bother updating the blog at all. If anyone knows a way to sort of, add friends to blogger and only friends can view your profile, i would love to hear it. I may end up moving over to diaryland cos alex locked his diary and i'm presuming that his close friends were still able to view it. Thats a guess. I dunno. For now i'll carry on, but any very personal issues will just get saved as a draft so noone can read them but me, till i feel like showing the world.
This blog post has been very long, congratulations upon reaching the end.

The first "nermie of the week"

2008-07-30T12:23:00.000-07:00

So the nermie army website recently hosted a competition to make a banner for the site. I recieved an email today saying i had won. YAY!

I now have to make a video for the sites new feature called "nermie of the week" and i'll have my banner up there as well. Surely that is worth a bracelet *hint hint*

Harry Potter! SQUEEEEE!

2008-07-30T05:37:00.000-07:00

Holy hell that looks awesome. Apart from one teensy little bit. This trailer has shown me what i dislike about Harry Potter. Voldemort. Just the adult version of Voldemort. I hate it when bad guys are pulled off as silly, i can only think of one instance where it has worked and that is with the master. A series of unfortunate events, a load of doctor who episodes they were ruined because of cartoony bad guys. I mean how can you possibly find voldemort scary when he's dancing around, smiling and sticking his tongue out like a 3 year old. The rest of this film looks awesome...all the lines sound well thought out and the camera angles look great, though it's maybe a bit dark...at this rate, the second deathly hallows film will just be a black screen for 2 hours.

Things alex is a bit sick of...

2008-07-29T14:02:00.000-07:00

"4) Being called anorexic."

lolz
XD

To be honest it annoys me when people tell me i'm too thin or w/e, if i was too fat they would complain, in fact i don't think there is a happy medium for some people...then for others you have to be as thin as possible. As long as whoever it is, is happy with their weight i don't care, unless they are so obese they can't fit through the door, then it's just unhealthy...to be honest, some people care too much...trying to be really thin doesn't really bother me in the slightest...in fact, "the anorexic chicks, the model 6, they don't hold no weight with me"...so, i'm sorry Alex you anorexic XD

Youtube just changed my whole future...

2008-07-28T04:57:00.000-07:00

I really hate summer. I miss all my mates :( It wouldn't be so bad if i had a gathering to look forward to but they are all WEEKS away. I'm just being such a bastard recently. The heat is getting to me. It's making me lazy. And right now i can't even tell which day it is, everything is blending into one. I mean there is NO WAY that my last blog post was only posted yesterday, it feels like weeks ago.

Right now i just want to do something. I feel like ringing up 6th form, telling them i quit and just getting a job. It would make my life a whole lot easier. I'm still really pissed off about camp america and have no idea what i want to do after sixth form. I have all this time and i know i should spend it looking up universities but, i don't even know if i want to do that any more.

---

I wrote those last bits of this post about half an hour ago now, since then i have looked on the UCAS website, and rather than searching "Architecture", i searched "Film production". The excitement was racing through me as i realised that i could study that in york. YORK!
And just look at what you do:

Practice:
Film & Television Production
Studio Television
Outside Broadcasting
Location Filming
Storyboarding
Directing
Producing
Lighting
Camera
Sound
Editing
Post-production
Theory:
Narratology
Script Development
Film Theory
Ideology & Audience

Practice:
Short Film Production
Television Drama
Factual Broadcasting
Theory:
Film Theory
Working in the Film & Television Industries (including a three-week work placement)
Opportunity to study abroad (Europe, the USA and Canada)

Practice:
Documentary Making
Short Film Production
Television Drama
Theory:
Factual Theory: Postmodern Theory
Film Theory
Theories of Television
Theories of New Media and a Dissertation
Opportunity to undertake a 10-week internship in the film and television industries

holy hell it sounds like some sort of dream. It's like im reading through a list of everything that interests me. So fuck architecture. For once i'm ignoring my head. I'm going to follow my heart, and go and do the one thing i love above all else. I'll write an application, get it sent off and go and study Film & TV production.

Wow, did i just change my whole future, making a decision via my blog? This is life changing people. Youtube has helped me loads, to see that interest in film. Holy hell, youtube just changed my whole future...

Is it actually counted as a gathering if...

2008-07-27T03:19:00.000-07:00

...only a few people turn up :(

When i planned to have a gathering i wasn't expecting LOADS of interest, but it would be nice to know that it wasn't just Dan and Lally going. I've sent a request to cheekyboy19, but i'm not even sure that's going any more. It won't be all that bad just having 4 or 5 of us i don't suppose, it would just have been nicer to have a few more...i suppose i'm being rather selfish...expecting more...Dan said i should have brought it up in Alex's blogTV which had crossed my mind but just seemed a bit rude, advertising my stuff via his show, and i didn't want people to hate me...

...okay so i said Alex was anorexic and gay but...shhhhh!

Please, if you can go to the gathering let me know, and if you can't then spreading the word a bit would be nice, i'm aware that there are quite a lot of people who read this now so...PRETTY PLEASE XD
I still feel rude...please don't hate me :)

If you come i'll buy you a cookie XD *

*This does not form a legal binding contract and may infact be a downright lie, if you do not recieve a cookie you have no legal rights whatsoever so... :P

Blog TV

2008-07-26T11:38:00.000-07:00

As annoyed as i am at these blogTV videos on youtube i'm finding that i rather enjoy blogTV.

The other night with Jess was great, i kept telling her she was awesome and she was all happy.

Tonight with Alex was totally different. I kept telling alex he was crap and he kept having a go at me. oooh i'm such a bastard aren't i. XD but i really enjoyed it. It was totally different cos where Jess' was calm and slow and rather relaxing, Alex's was like, fast paced, impossible to keep up with comments and like...insane. Lally became a mod...I'm jealous.

In other news, I really hate the sun, i think i've got sun stroke or something cos i keep shaking and its wierd when i breathe. I can't see anything good about this weather AT ALL. At least when it's cold you can wear a coat, there's no escaping this heat. I hate it, hate it, hate it :(

Oh and my uncle gave me his video camera today, it's ridiculously large but its got 2 battery packs and hundreds of tapes so should be good for long filming and gatherings. The problem is, i'm not sure it will plug into the computer yet...

Heat heat go away, don't come back another day...

Why i'm sat awake at 2:35AM

2008-07-25T18:33:00.000-07:00

Do you ever get the feeling that you've done something wrong but your not sure what it is...you've tried to sleep on it but you end up just lying in bed with the thoughts buzzing through your mind?

Have you ever just had so many things going on that when you lay in bed, you think about them over and over?

Do you ever wish that you could see your friends every day...I miss Harry, and George, and Ryan, and Beth, and Charli, and Berecca. And i miss Dan and Lally and Ruth and Verity, i miss every youtuber, and every person i've ever met at a gathering. I miss gatherings. And i miss making videos with Charli. I miss having something to do. I miss seeing Jess on blogTV despite the fact it was only last night (well technically the night before now) that she was on. I miss Johnny as he didn't post his 5AG video.

I miss school.

I miss my friends.

I miss a good nights sleep.

xxx

Harry potter the poem

2008-07-25T14:54:00.000-07:00

LSmurf says:
pfft, tht isnt a poem it doesnt rhyme

[c=6][c=30][c=9][c=8][c=7][c=4]L[/c]a[/c]l[/c]l[/c]y[/c][/c]says:
it doenst hav to rhyme

LSmurf says:
people say that "poems dont hav 2 rhyme" but they bloody do

LSmurf says:
or its just a story written on short lines

[c=6][c=30][c=9][c=8][c=7][c=4]L[/c]a[/c]l[/c]l[/c]y[/c][/c]says:
haha good point

LSmurf says:
i could write a poem like tht in a second

[c=6][c=30][c=9][c=8][c=7][c=4]L[/c]a[/c]l[/c]l[/c]y[/c][/c]says:
go on then

LSmurf says:
Mr and Mrs Dursley
Of number four privet drive
Were proud to say that they
Were perfectly normal
Thank you very much

They were the last people
You’d expect to be
Involved in anything
Strange or mysterious
Because they didn’t hold
With such nonsense.

LSmurf says:
there XD

7AM!

2008-07-25T00:48:00.001-07:00

So my happiness of last night was unfortunately fleeting. I couldn't get to sleep until about 3AM. But that was fine. Cos i could have a nice lie in this morning, right? WRONG! I made a vlog whilst in bed this morning but i got a bit over-angry so i'll just quote what i said instead:

"It's 8 o clock in the fucking morning and he has been fucking cutting his hedge since 7 o clock!"

I'm sorry but 7 o clock is NOT a good time to rev up your chainsaw and take on a hedge for an hour. It's really selfish and annoying. 7 may not seem early to you but it fucking well is to me, so much so that i actually went online and looked at the law on noise pollution:

"if you are the person being subjected to the noise, ask yourself, is this the sort of problem which is wholly unreasonable in the circumstances? If the noise is enough to keep you awake, then clearly this noise is unacceptable."

clearly.

Oh and i'm also going to rant about mystery packages now that i'm here, simply because daveyboyz just posted a video about 1. I'm tryin to work out if his is real or a joke...it certainly wasn't a funny video IMO.
I hate this mystery package thing. All it is doing is dividing the community by popularity. Only the people considered "popular" seem to be recieving one and it's just putting the rest of us down. Hey, i would love to recieve some newspaper clippings, or a microphone or whatever. But i won't because i'm not considered "popular". It reminds me very much of primary school (where i wasn't very popular) one of the pupils came back from a holiday and they had got a present for everyone in the class who they liked and handed them out in the middle of the lesson. Me and a few others were rather annoyed at not recieving one. This is exactly the same.
Why is popularity such an issue on youtube. I mean i can understand that the "popular" youtubers can't reply to all comments and messages and stuff but does it always have to be rubbed in our face that they are better than us. I'm going to stop there before i go on to say something i'll regret.

7 FUCKING AM!

Jess RAWKS!

2008-07-24T16:16:00.001-07:00

I'm just off to bed, i thought i'd stop by on here and say i've just bin watchin Jess on blog TV and... awww... i just love her sooo much. It's just like... she's... AMAZING!

Check her out at youtube.com/xbrokenmindedx cos you will NEVER meet a nicer girl XD

I've had a great night and i'm in a great mood thanks to her...and todays 5AG video which made me smile a lot.

I'm just happy...so...YAY XD

I don't like to admit it...

2008-07-24T05:13:00.000-07:00

...but i was wrong

lmfao, genius XD

And also apologies to everyone else. As i said at the time, i was in a foul mood and didn't have the right to say that. I am however getting annoyed at the fact that every other video seems to be "live now on blogTV". As Alex pointed out, it would be a pretty crap show without his subscribers watching but...they are just a bit annoying and seem to have taken over my subscription box.

that is all...

Gathering's and suntans

2008-07-23T14:49:00.000-07:00

there. it's official. i thought this moment would give a sense of excitement but its more a "thank god i've got that bit over with". I know people will be annoyed at the date. "Ooh the GCSE results come out on that day", "oh it's sooo close to the suffolk gathering", "oh, it's on a thursday".
I can see it now. But to be honest i don't really care, if you can't go you can't go. I picked that date cos it's the date that Dan is in manchester (it is just total coincidence it is on my birthday) and i've wanted to meet Dan for ages as he's 1 of my best youtube friends. Lally as well, she's in the vid^^^ XD

So please come to the gathering. We can chat and if the weather's nice we could stand out and get a suntan.

Talking of suntans (OMG, that has to be the most tedious link ever) i've been wanting to rant about them for ages. Everyone keeps complaining at me cos i havent got a tan. What's so great about them anyway? I don't complain at them for giving themselves a higher chance of getting skin cancer. Stop complaining at me, i like being pale, and i don't give a crap about sun tans...don't even get me started on fake tans...

Why?

2008-07-23T08:31:00.000-07:00

The pissed off mood hasn't faded that much, not where youtube is concerned at least.

I've just looked at the front page to find that charlieissocoollike's mystery package video has been featured. I think that this is an outrage. Now no offence to Charlie. He's great. I love his videos and it was partly he who got me into vlogging, (the main reason was steandkel and whataboutadam). But he has 64 thousand subscribers. He doesn't need to be featured. He is the 2nd most subscribed of all time, the 1st most subscribed director so he really DOESN'T NEED IT!
not only that but his video was hardly original. It didn't need any thought. He opened a package. Wow. Not only that but several other, less popular, youtubers made videos that where basically the same as Charlie's.

Now no offence is meant to Charlie but this is simply unfair on those people who do not have as many subscribers and recieved a mystery package. In fact, it's just unfair on everyone. That Feature place could have been taken up by Smivadee's version of Rhianna which has so far only got 2,000 views and deserves a LOT more:

Has J0ames been featured yet? Cos he certainly deserves to be.

This video certainly deserves a feature

to get as many people involved as possible.

Even one of the "not really a mystery package" videos would have been more inventive:

but no, we get the already famous charlie. Please youtube, give others a chance.

Running out of ideas

2008-07-22T12:54:00.000-07:00

I dunno what it is but i just don't find youtube very interesting any more. No offence to anyone but very few of the videos in my subscription box interest me any more. I may offend a few people in this blog so i apologise in advance if you take offence.

Bod. He was great when i first found his videos. It was great meeting him at the gathering. Now his rants seem like they have all been done before. And ranting at people who are commenting on your videos is not a great way to go tbh. Today i found myself leaving a comment doing exactly the opposite of what the video said just to see if it would get past his mods...which again is a silly idea and makes yourtube seem more of a buisness than a community.

5 awesome channels. I loved them at 1st and have several times considered starting my own. But it now seems like a cheap attempt to gain subscribers rather than a way to get to know the other 4 people better. And to be honest, some of them are getting repetetive and boring.

Random crap channels. This is the catagory i put Chuckismurf under atm. Just a place to dunk a load of random videos i've taken. Rolling down hills and random trips to Whitby.

Basic vlogs. It's interesting to get to know people but sometimes they start talking about stuff that you really don't care about.

And all the famous youtubers like Alex, Johnny and Charlie (yep, i picked 3 of the 5AG) either don't post at all or post things that just aren't as good as classic stuff.

And it's not just other people. I have no ideas at all. I still want to post videos on LSmurf but can't think of anything...

It's like i've finally worn youtube out...and i'm only 2 days into the 6 week holiday :(

NOTE: This is a rather depressing blog, brought on by the hours i've just spent in the garden. i'm in a pretty foul mood and will probably feel better later on and wonder what the hell i was on about so it may be best to just ignore this post

So what have i been up to?

2008-07-21T04:28:00.001-07:00

I've been away for almost a week now (before my last post) so what have i been up to? well apart from school work, up until Tuesday i was doing nothing of interest at all.

Tuesday was the sixth form barbeque. I wasn't planning to go so i hadn't paid. Charli persuaded me to stay, so i did. I felt really guilty eating but noone else was fussed so... There was music, including "The Fresh prince of Bel air" which i went on to get on my computer and phone. Me and charli did our gathering dance and the whole sith form turned to look at us as if we had committed murder or something.

On Wednesday there was an Art trip to Whitby, a grand total of 3 of us went (Me, Charli, Ceri and Emma). The teacher gave us a list of landscapes to photograph and sketch and sent us on our way. I went off with Charli and Emma and Ceri went on their own. Me and Charli went of a boat trip. We probably weren't meant to, but we did. We discussed how it would be really funny if our teacher chased us down and swam for the boat just to punish us. But she never did. Shame.

We then went for a walk to the end of the pier thingy majig. It was bloody windy and Charli was terrified XD we got some good pics outta it tho XD

Next we went to the beach where we ate our lunch and filmed us making a sandcastle. It was a very pathetic sandcastle XD
Then we went and did a sketch. Ran up the 199 steps, and counted them. Sat by the Abbey and did a long and boring vlog. Then realised we were late for the bus so sprinted like hell. Down the 199 steps, through the small streets, busy with people, knocking old women to the floor as we ran, across the bridge, down the street, into the car park ("don't we have time to get an ice cream?" asked Charli) and arrived at the bus about 5 minutes late, Great day XD

Thursday was rather boring. First lesson i had to show some people around the school. I'm about as confident as a shy shy thing with shy disease so i cocked up miserably.
"So have you made use of the careers advice given to you?" she asked
"No" i blurted.

Friday. FINAL DAY OF YEAR 12! Me and charli had plans for Friday. First lesson we were going to make a video in the middle of our art class making a spoof of ourself. Charli had a big blue thing in her hair and was wearing the most colourful clothes EVER! I was wearing a rather boring suit and looking very serious and boring. Charli chickened out. Our art teacher thought we were mad, she complimented my tie so i immediately took it off. It ended up with us running off to room 40 (ICT room) and doing nothing all lesson apart from playing with a slinky and filming it.
In the afternoon there was the usual end of year talent show. It was the last one i will ever see and i expected it to go out with a bang. It didn't. You know that farting pathetic noise a baloon makes when it goes down. It went out with that noise. Most of the acts were poor. One of the "talents" was someone playing on guitar hero. If i had wanted to see that i would have gone round to my mates house. No.

Saturday I went to my Grandmas house, as i always do on a Saturday. Me and my sister watched Indiana Jones, raiders of the lost ark and Temple of doom. They were great. We then went to my Dad's house where we watched 28 days later. I watched it cos everyone on the IZM forum is talking about it so...ye...it was good. I wish we had found out a bit more about the rest of the world. I want to see 28 weeks later now XD

Sunday we went to a camping thingy majig where they were displaying tents. Some were beautiful but cost LOADS so we didn't get one. We then went to the cinema to see "Journey to the center of the Earth" Which i liked. I am seriously a fan of Josh Hutcherson. I would just give ANYTHING to have his life, he's the one i aspire to be. My Hero. (however many times i say that, it still sounds gay)
We then went home and bought a tent on ebay XD

100th Post

2008-07-20T15:27:00.000-07:00

Sorry i've been away for so long. I have many excuses, each as tedious as the last, i will list a few here just so you have at least some explanation:

1. I didn't really want to write a hundredth post cos i wanted it to be special and couldn't come up with anything.
b...no...wait a minute, 2. I've been so damn busy
3. I've had a lot of personal stuff happening so i've bin writing it down but not posting it, i may post it at some point in the future.
and 4, or d, or that little (iv) you get in brackets. I really couldn't be arsed.

So now that those lies...erm...reasons...are out of the way. I'll get on with this post:

So here i am at my 100th blog post and I thought I would take this opportunity to recap on my youtube life. I can sum it up in one word:

AMAZING!

But that's a bit boring so I’ll try and build on that a bit:

Very amazing!

okay...okay...enough with the messing about!

I've made loads of friends. That has been the main thing that has kept me loving every minute of youtube:
Dan
Lally
Ruth
Verity
Dale
Lee
Josh
Alex
Andrew
Chris
Jess
Jack
oh the list goes on. They are all amazing people! I can't imagine youtube without them...
Charli and Bayes. I've known them for years but we were never really close friends until youtube came along. We have travelled the country together. It's fascinating!
Charli is one of the NICEST people I have ever met...well...possibly behind Jess and Alex cos they are TOO nice...but seriously, Charli is the person who really got me into youtube, she is such a fascinating, amazing person, she is just THE BEST!

So apart from friends what else have I got from youtube?

Confidence is the next thing that comes to mind. Before youtube I was sooooo shy it was unbelievable. Now I’m going round my school doing free hugs, travelling the country and talking to people I have never met before...I am still a bit shy though XD
Before youtube I was EXTREMELY camera shy and that has improved immensely. I actually enjoy being in front of the camera now cos I go all hyper and I’m like WOOOOOOOOO!

I've gained over 1000 subscribers now, which really means the world to me. Its like...1000 people...watching me! That's such a weird thought. Thanks to every single one of them.

I've become a writer for the Internet zombie movie. I believe that is an aspect of my life that comes under confidence. I have always loved writing and only after joining youtube have I gained the confidence to share my writing with the world. I really can't wait for work on IZM to really get going cos I’m loving that.

One thing youtube has helped me to do more than anything, is laugh. I have never laughed so much at comedy before, and yet on here it's hilarious. Music as well, I didn't listen to much music before but now...I listen to the gathering song XD

Youtube has changed me so much. And I wouldn't give it up for ANYTHING!

i'm not obsessed...honest XD

2008-07-14T11:27:00.000-07:00

i don't know whether it's cos of the cold or cos i'm a moody bastard but at the moment i seem to be getting angry at EVERYTHING. Everything seems to be going wrong and i totally overreact at everything.

This cold does, however, seem to have improved my creativity.
While ill i've done these:

The moon shone as bright as the now distant sun. Johaio was thirsty. His hunger grew with every second. Blood tinted his saliva. He spat into the white sand at his feet. The sand swallowed the saliva almost immediately. The sand drained everything. All moisture from the air and moisture from the flesh. Johaio was gasping for breath now. He grappled at the air before him, trying to grasp some moisture towards him. He knew he had little time left as the air caught in his throat. He coughed again and a splatter of blood was cast to the floor. Gasping for air. Clawing out. Anger raging. He was changing. The thirst was changing him. But into what?

He watched the world around him blur, the sand stretching far into the distance became but a mist of white, the starry sky just a patch of emptiness. The world faded, and Johaio fell into the sand. He cried out as he continued to fall. The sand fell around him, consuming him. It spread across his face, forcing its way up his nose and into his mouth. He coughed more and more, the blood caught in his mouth and was forced back down his throat. He tried to shout through the mouthful of sand but he was too late.

The sands had taken him.

The desert of Renshii fell silent once more.

God, i've just noticed, these r both Alex related. i've done other stuff but its stuff i cant post...Doctor Who scripts...art work...DT work...planning my story with beth...i'm not alex obsessed...honest XD

VLR episode 2 XD

2008-07-13T07:18:00.000-07:00

vaguelyliveradio.podbean.com

I loved it today!

i think "the Doctor Dances" sums it up nicely

XD

It just doesn't happen in our town

2008-07-13T03:18:00.000-07:00

I've lived in Malton (when i say malton i really mean malton and Norton cos tbh they are all the same place) all my life, 16 years. There has never been any type of incident like this before. It never rains, it pours.

28th June - Car crash, 1 killed 1 injured. 2 people stabbed.
5th July - Loads of windows smashed in costing 100s of pounds of damage.
12 July - I'm not sure yet but this morning, the whole main street is cordoned off, there are police cars and men in white suits. Murder? Rape? Who knows... But it's bad.

The first incidents in 16 years!

I'm never going out on a Saturday night again!

What about the stuff they don't say?

2008-07-12T14:08:00.000-07:00

My sister asked me yesterday if ste and kel have ever fallen out and it just got me thinking about the lives of youtubers. the bits we don't know. It's wierd cos sat watching them in videos it still doesnt actually register that they r real people. I've been thinking a lot today, what with illness. How many secrets do they hold? Is nerimon secretly a woman? Does daveyboyz have a fetish for cheese? And is charlieissocoollike, really cool like?
It's wierd seeing pictures of youtubers together, they actually do interact? It's just all really mental.

That was random.

Anyway, in other news my camcorder is fixed, YAY! But now i have no videos to film...oh :(

I'm really ill, i seriously want to cough up my own throat just to stop it from tickling.

I started this post intending for it to have some important, deep meaning. I failed.

Now i feel shit...

2008-07-12T00:00:00.000-07:00

Here i am swearing after shouting at two kids about it in the street. I dunno if you know what i'm on about or even if you will but anyway...im tired out, and i fucking hate my neighbors.
I've been really badly ill for the past two days, blocked nose, not able to breathe propery, coughing and just generally feeling shit. I didn't get to sleep till about 3 this mornin despite going to bed at 12. But i was happy in the knowledge that i could have a nice lie in as it was Saturday today.
but NOOO!
7am this morning and the people who live next door decide it's a good idea to dig up their path, banging and clattering like hell, they might as well have got a fucking heavy metal band to stand by my bed and play the loudest fucking song they know.
7AM!
Up until today i didn't even know there was a 7 o clock in the morning...
How early?
HOW FUCKING EARLY?
See now i'm going to be tired for the rest of the week cos saturday is my "stay in bed" day. Oh. i'm so annoyed, i'm tempted to go outside and tell them to SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Sorry i'm ranting on for ages and swearing considerably in the process but GRRRR, i'm tired, ill and annoyed...

7AM! ON A SATURDAY!

I'm not going to pretend i'm happy but...

2008-07-11T13:41:00.000-07:00

...i suppose nothing in life is perfect. The gathering is going to be really awkward to get to. It will cost me £68.50 to get there and then i have to get in...i think Alex said that food is paid for but will it be enough food to keep us going or just a few snacks?
I really want to go, i'm desperately trying but as much as i hate to admit it i don't think i will find a cheap enough deal for Bayes and Charli...
I can get it a few quid cheaper but it would mean travelling at awkward times and spending about 10 hours on a train which is ridiculous...
I'm trying...

Oh and i'm planning to hold my own gathering...21st August...my birthday XD
Not because i'm trying to beat the Youstage 1 (thts not likely) but because Dan and Lally will be in Manchester that day and i feel like im missing out on a party so Manchester, Arndale centre, near Next, inside the entrance near the big wheel...if any1s interested at all i'll probably be there 12pm...tho my guess is people will be savin for youstage...or wont get the message cos im only an ickle tuber...oh so much travelling i want to do and sooo little money :(

What i think about number 4

2008-07-10T13:13:00.000-07:00

1) It was something new and different, like nothing i had seen before and that's why i absolutely loved it and, even on watching it back, i still love it!
2) A bit of a dissapointment after the first. Not everything that needed to be said was said and overall not as good as the one previous, though i did get upset at the end...
3) Amazing. Probably beats number 1, but only just. The new companion made the whole thing a very different experience.
4) A meet up of a load of people from the previous 3 but trying to be epic, and going for spectacle but forgetting about the things that matter, the people.

Some of you may have cottoned on to what this is all about but most of you probably won't, so i'll explain.
I made this link at school and told it to my best mate, we have been discussing similarities ever since so idecided to share itr with the world!
So you will be looking at the list of "4" above and presuming i am talking about the series of Doctor Who. And that's exactly what i'm doing. But at the same time i am discussing the gatherings i have been to:

1) Manchester - erm...nothing to say :S
2) London - Nerifest, we didn't get to talk to Alex much and i dnt think we even got to say happy birthday :( I got real upset on the coach home...
3) Glasgow - It was really amazing and the park we spent most of the time in made it all seem really friendly, bayes is of course the new companion XD
4) Youstage - Of course this hasn't been yet but it seems to be a meet up of all the people i have met at previous gatherings and Myles is obviously trying to make it huge, which i suppose is good, but, as i said, he is forgetting the people.

I like the links, you may find them pointless and think i am clutching at straws but i was well chuffed when i came up with that. Let's just hope the youstage gathering isn't as dissapointing as series 4...i'm sure myles will do the right thing in the end XD

Wow, people actually read this thing?

2008-07-10T10:57:00.000-07:00

I'm really surprised my last post got as far as it did. I mean 3 comments i think is the best so far for my blog AND my whole entry was copied into Alex's diary:

AND he apparently sent it to all the youstagers :o

I never knew people actually read my blog never mind took into account he things i say. That cheered me up :D Also i think Rach's blog post on the matter is well worth a read as well:

not your fault at all XD how were you to know where the convo would go?
Hmm, i dunno if the actual links are workin so i'll leave the adresses here:
http://nerimon.diaryland.com/2045.html
http://pinkearth88.diaryland.com/080710_96.html

Anyway, sooooo much else to talk about. A mental day. Me and Charli had a LONG talk about the gathering and whether we would actually be able to go or not. We came up with some AMAZING ideas for videos, one which should be up a week on saturday if we can find enough confidence and a blue wig. I'll say no more.

I've had a bad cough and have been sneezing all day. Please someone gimme a cure cos its annoying me now :(

Don't you just hate it when people send you videos. Well i was sent a youtube channel today that shows just how much the sender knows about me:
bnprenaissance wants you to take a look at this YouTube Channel:
BigBrotherAwaits
Big brother awaits? I didn't even bother clicking the link.

This weekend me and bayes are going into york to do free hugs. charli may be coming. It will be like having our own youtube gathering...just without the youtubers...

So yeah, there's more stuff i'll talk about some other time cos right now i'm gonna go on msn and see if the whole youstage thing has been sorted or not, i doubt it, but i'm guessing people will have calmed down a bit.

Lewis
xxx

I thought it was about community...?

2008-07-09T16:12:00.000-07:00

As someone pointed out my last post was extremely Doctor Who-esque, however the prediction seems pretty accurate.
After eagerly awaiting information on the youstage gathering, i wasn't expecting to be so...well...i dunno how to explain it or even whther i'm supposed to, but i'm going to try nonetheless.

I was added to a conversation on msn, along with a load of other youtubers only to be told that the gathering would be a camping one (brilliant), it would have 3 bands playing and would cost every1 £45.

There are several things wrong with this so i'll state them just incase you cannot spot them yourself.

I'll start with the bands. Worst idea ever. The thing i remember most about gatherings is talking to people and having a nice little sing song as mhazz or ed plays on the guitar. Both of these will be near-impossible if we are having some band that only a small minority of us will like, blurted into our ears.

Second i shall move onto the fact that i was told on msn. I have become well known in the youtube community and yet find it totally unfair that i should find out the news before anyone else. I don't know whether to complain about this or not because whilst it was nice to know people are thinking of me, it's annoying to know that there are others in the world who are still blind to any change.

Thirdly. £45! NO! It costs enough with travel costs, people seriously can't afford £45 to get in. What happened to the £2000 from upstaged? What happened to the sense of community?

This sparked argument over msn, i hate to admit that even i was taking cheap digs by the end of it whilst at the same time trying to keep things in order. Everyone seemed to be falling out. It was if my youtube life was collapsing around me and in the end i thought it best to just leave.

Here is what Myles should do:

a) Plan a gathering, preferably free/cheap and central UK
b) Stick with the old gathering format. Don't change something that works perfectly. Possibly throw in some free food and a booked hostel of somekind so we have somewhere to stay.
c) Announce it to everyone at once in a video so as to prevent argument, rumour and the idea of favouritism.

I hope i have not offended anyone tonight in whatever way. I'm trying to say it like it is but i am aware i got a bit bitchy.

I hope it doesn't all fall apart!

Life is getting darker

2008-07-08T14:20:00.001-07:00

For the last half a year my life has been happy. Mainly thanks to youtube which has encouraged me to take a optimistic view on life. Recently my life has being getting darker.

Today was Tom's funeral. In the end i decided not to go as i didn't know him well enough and would have felt like i was intruding. I went into town today. It was silent. Not empty. But silent.

At the weekend there was a group of people who went around and smashed a load of windows in town. What with that and the stabbing last weekend, i'm beginning to feel unsafe walking the streets now.

And now my youtube life is drawing to a close. not for good of course but i will be taking a long, and well-deserved break from youtube, possibly posting the occasional video. But maybe if it was youtube keeping me optomistic, leaving is not such a great idea. It will be nice to get a bit done in everyday life however. The past few weeks i have barely had room to breathe in the mass of videos and homework.

Today i saved my last video and had a clearout of the videos on my computer, i also caught up with homework, apart from maths which makes about as much sense as a Giraffe standing on its head in the middle of Marks and Spencer.

So from now on there will be a change. I keep telling myself it will be for the best, so why do i get this sense of dread sweeping across my soul and this feeling that the darkness is coming?

Why is tonights video taking so long?

2008-07-04T14:58:00.000-07:00

So i was sat waiting for ages for tonights video to upload. It's only 4 or 5 minutes long so what's with the wait? It was only a few seconds ago that i realised i hadn't yet clicked upload so i was just sat waiting for nothing...i know i'm blonde but that just takes the piss....blondest moment EVER!

I'm up at 1,002 subscribers now. YAY! The sad thing is is that i know they will drop as soon as i announce that i am not planning to make another video till xmas. I'll come back and have no subs, you just watch XD

I feel like i should talk a bit more personally now, as i seem to be talkin about youtube a lot recently.

It's Tom's cremation on Tuesday. I want to go but i don't feel like i knew him well enough so i dunno...i was distraught when he died...
We all have the day off school and i know tht if i dont go i would be sat wishing i was there...

And now to talk about tomorrow. Oh i can't wait... i'm havin a load of mates round for a Doctor Who Day. I start at 8 2morro mornin and watch all the episodes of series 4 in order. Then watch the finale when it's aired. Beth, Harry, George, Amy and Ryan are coming. It should be fun. It's also Oli's 18th 2morro night so we may walk up to that afterwards.

Then on Monday i'm getting my Doctor Who suit XD

What a week ahead, i can tell already that it will be insanely busy and extremely emotionally charged.

Oh how i love life...

999...

2008-07-03T14:46:00.000-07:00

Shit.

1,000!!!!!

2008-07-03T13:45:00.000-07:00

OMG, 1,000 subscribers!!! I can't thank people enough...! That is just like AWESOME!

1,000...

Imagine 1,000 people in a room...

JESUS CHRIST!

1,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bloody movie maker and youtube uploader

2008-07-02T15:16:00.000-07:00

i'm really annoyed. It's 23:17, i started my review uploading at 18:00 aprox. It still hasn't uploaded. And i'm having such a job edditing my review for tomorrow. It wouldn't save because i had one clip sped up...wat a load of crap.

I can already tell wat songs r gonna b at the top of this months "top 5" thingy. I've decided to not reset, the top 5 are bound 2 change still... and it shows how many times iv listened to the songs since wenver i reset. Valentines and Mhairi me are bound to be near the top this time XD

Top 5 songs

2008-07-02T09:12:00.000-07:00

So last months count up of the views on my songs leaves the top five as follows:

5. The Beautiful South - Domino Man11
I told you the south would pop up often XD, this song is brilliant to listen 2 at twice the speed (y)

4. Nickleback - How you remind me11
I like the lyrics XD

3. Tenacious D - Tribute12
Despite trying to rhyme "road" with "road, i quite like this song. I remember the 1st time i heard it was at my mate ryans house, he showed me it and i was like "tht's awful", it's grown on me XD

2. Goo goo dolls - Iris19
Alex mentioned it in a video and since then i've been gripped. I love the lyrics so much, this should probably be at number 1 as i listen to it on my phone all the time.

1. OMGmhazzrocks - The gathering47
47 times! Lmao, doesn't that just say everything? I love this song. Sums up gatherings perfectly. Each of us a puzzle piece, making a community, when apart it's incomplete, together makes me so happy XD

Choices choices...

2008-07-01T14:51:00.001-07:00

My Mum complained at me just now for not spending more time downstairs...

So here's my options. I can:

a) Stay upstairs on youtube
b) Go downstairs and watch Big Brother.

Need i say any more?

Have some Respect? Fuck off!

2008-07-01T13:04:00.000-07:00

Today the school was recovering from the terrible events of the weekend. Of course, some people were still upset so at lunch, in the common room, i decided to make a free hugs sign to cheer people up.
Jesus Christ.

I never want to grow up. Some people are fucking arseholes. Maturity = boring twat.

I was told by someone to "sit down and have some respect".

What?

Have respect for who?

The members of the common room...
I wasn't doing anything disruptive, i was standing with a free hugs sign. I wasn't screaming at people to have a hug and threatening them if they didn't. I was just standing.

Or did they mean for Tom?
I'm sorry but i don't see this as any disrespect to him. I did it to try and cheer a few people up. I'm sure Tom wouldn't want us all to be unhappy, i'm sure he would like us to mourn him, as we are doing, but there is still no harm in a cheery free hug.

Seriously i wanted to slap the person who said that.
I don't want to grow old. You only get boring.

Life and death

2008-06-30T10:52:00.000-07:00

"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections."

That is what i have been doing this year. My youtube life has made me so happy it's taught me to look past the imperfections. This weekend hasn't been an imperfection, it's being a whopping great hole of despair. One too large to overlook.

I knew that Tom's death would have an effect on school. He was loved by everyone, those who knew him well and those who did not. But even i couldn't have imagined the atmosphere today. I was on a trip which in a way i am happy about and in a way i'm not.
Before the trip we waited in reception. That was awful. The bell rang and the occupants of the common room flooded down the stairs. Every single one had bags under there eyes, they had red eyes and a few of them were crying. It hit me like a tonne of bricks. He had died. And everyone was paying the price.
In the end there were a grand total of 3 of us on the trip. Me, Charli and Ceri. We were all upset and would all rather not have been going to a Leeds art gallery. When we arrived we were told that we couldn't have the workshop as planned as there were too few of us.
A woman talked to us for a bit about art work, constantly complaining at how quite we were and how we should "cheer up".
The trip home was the worst. We started talking about Tom and all the things he had planned for his future. We soon fell into an awkward silence and, due to having little sleep last night, i drifted into an uneasy sleep.
I awoke just as we were driving past york. I spent the rest of the journey thinking. I looked at my hand, the slight imperfections that would normally be overlooked, i rubbed my fingers together and i felt. I smelt the air, a slight smell of curry hit my nose. I listened, the cars whizzing past, the birds in the trees. I tasted, the air was dry. All these things that Tom could never do again. I pondered upon this for a long while and it upset me greatly. I thought of his family, and how they must be feeling.
When we finally pulled back into Malton i entered the school slowly. The sadness still hung in the air, the normal excited chatter in the common room had been reduced to a dulcet drone. They had had an assembly in his memory at lunch time. I'm sooooo annoyed i missed that.
There was a truck driving around malton today, large speakers on the back blared the clown music they always play at the circus. He went past my Mum's shop twice. i told her if he went past again i would go and shout at him. Do people have no respect for others. Even if he had been unnaware of Tom's death, he could still have respect for the people trying to have a walk around town.
Three chavs passed me and went "Oh, YOUTUBE!" at my youtube shirt. Gits. I'm sorry but i don't walk around going "Ooh, chavs", "oooh old granny in a wheelchair with a knitted jumper on". It's just rude so shut the hell up.
The man in the truck drove past with the music blaring again so i shouted at him to "shut the hell up". However his music was blaring loudly and his windows were rolled up so he didn't hear.
I then passed some MORE chavs. They didn't talk to me but they were very loudly saying "I fucking punched his fucking face in." and clearly revelling in the idea. Violence like that is something that should never be promoted but i couldn't think of any way to word that so i just said "can you watch your language in public please?" They looked at me funny. Seriously, what is it with casual swearing. i went through a casual swearing stage and i hope i'm over it now. If i do swear now i normally apologise straight away. Unless i'm angry, upset or annoyed.
I don't feel like doing much of anything at the moment. Tom's death has hit me hard, as it has with everyone. Let's also not forget Callum who was also in the accident and is in hospital with potentially fatal wounds. My thoughts are with him and his family and the same for Tom.

He was only 18.

We have to live while we still have the chance.

So Close to home

2008-06-29T17:04:00.000-07:00

Today has been strange. To celebrate my 2nd youtube birthday i spent all day making videos. It ended up annoying me cos the camcorder seemed 2 need charging ever 2 minutes.
No1 seems 2 give a shit about my non-doctor who videos. You know wen i post a video about youtube celebrities, dont go talkin in the comments about doctor who. It just pisses me off.

Jess asked me if i wanted 2 meet up with her and make a doctor who youtube video, i'm lookin forward 2 doin tht sum time XD
http://www.youtube.com/xbrokenmindedx

Tonight Bayes told me that there had been a car crash, 1 kid had died and 1 had been severely injured. I knew em both. It was so wierd. And still is. You know wen ur typin and ur goin real slow and its like ur not really typin at all, like sum1 else is typin the words cos ur brain cant quite register wat is goin on. thts wats happenin 2 me. I've never known any1 whos died before, at least not since i was about 7.
There was also a stabbing in our town. You read about these things in the news all the time and u think "pff, it's nothing", but then it comes so close 2 home and it just hits you. Real people have lost their lives. All the things they were going to do: travelling the world, go 2 uni, get a job. They cant anymore. It's so strange. And tho i wasnt close m8s with any of the people hurt, it's still hit me hard and i'll b thinkin about them and their families.

This has certainly not been a happy 2nd youtube birthday.

An over-emotional mad day

2008-06-28T18:32:00.000-07:00

I couldn't resist having a doctor who line as the blog title...sorry :)

Today i've been all over the place. The day started with me at my mate harry's house absolutely knackered after watching quiz call till 4 in the morning, i then went on to monks cross where i had a huge faff with my camcorde (see my last blog post). Then there was the excitement, Doctor Who. Amazing, i was shaking all the way through. When the Doctor and Rose look at each other and Rose smiles...perfect!
Then i came on msn, went hyper for my reaction.
Then this guy called Nath started talking to me. He's a really really great guy. I've never seen him or met him but he has such a great personality. Anyway we talked. About personal stuff. There i was, spilling my deepest darkest secret to someone i had never met and probably never will. Insane. Have you ever had a conversation, then looked back on it afterwards and thought "my whole life is going to be different now" That's how i felt tonight. And since the conversation my head is spinning. I know i wont sleep if i go to bed.
That is partly the reason i am sat here at 3 in the morning supping hot chocolate and eating cheese toasties. But that's partly because cheese gives you nightmares and...well...life's no fun without a little fear.
Afterwards Nath asked me if i was annoyed at him for having that conversation. It had totally turned my life around. "Fucked it up" is a good expression. But if i had the chance to go back and do it again, would i do it the same? Of course i would. What's life without a little excitement?

Camcorder-less

2008-06-28T12:56:00.000-07:00

My camcorder broke :( so i took it back to argos today. I was asked to sign a bunch of documents, which i did. They didnt say anything apart from wat was wrong with my camcorder. They then took my camcorder into a back room, came back out a few minutes later and said "right, we'll call you in around 16 days, telling you the charge for repairs". No, i'm sorry, WHAT?
I don't remember giving you permission to take my camcorder. You never told me it was going to be taken so don't just steal it and tell me to come back in 16 days. I have reviews to film! I could have been going to a fucking christening tomorrow, a moment i want to treasure forever and now you have just stolen my camcorder! As if that wasn't bad enough, you are planning to CHARGE ME to repair a faulty camcorder that is UNDER WARRINTY! If the charge is more than 20p i'm gonna tell you where you can shove ur fucking camcorder!
So what a faff i've had. I had 3 hours to get in contact with someone who had a camcorder to lend me it to make my initial reaction. Thanks a load to Fiona and Phil, who not only saved my reviews but also let me keep the camcorder for as long as i want! AWESOME!
So after argos i went to Wilkinsons. There was this awesome guy who helped me find the paintbrushes. He was so small and so awesome. And EXTREMELY polite. Take note argos! I went to the till to pay for my paintbrushes, pencils and coloured pencils. Only £3.50! I only had a tenner so i handed her the note. She looked at it. Read what it said along the top "vaguelyliveradio.podbean.com LISTEN NOW", looked at my youtube shirt i was wearing, smiled and nodded at me as if to say "Yeah, i'm a youtube nerd too" That had me smiling.
We then went and had our car washed by firefighters who were bored and cleaning cars for charity. That was amazing. I had that thrill that i havent had since the age of 6 when you see the water flying towards you and even though you know theres a window there it still makes you jump. That was fun!
So what else has happened today? erm...? What would i normally talk about? hmm... It's not as if there's some awesomely good programme that i've just watched on TV tonight, is it...it must be nothing. So i'll ttyl

bye
xxx

Alex fucking Day!

2008-06-27T00:39:00.001-07:00

Oooh, the title sounds like i'm going to be insulting Alex. Au contraire (i have no idea if that is spelt right, nor do i care). It's just that last night, when i was texting Alex, i went a bit far, asked too many questions and maybe got a few too many answers, and i realised that i ALWAYS seem to talk about Alex in my blog. Anyone reading this would think i talked to him all the time, that i was best mates with him or that we at least talked quite often. That would be a HUGE misconception. I text him a few times, he's sent me a grand total of 1 email and in person, i have spoken about 3 lines to him, one of which was "That's nerimon" although that was more aimed at Charli. Yet I feel like i know him REALLY well. I suppose that proves his article that he wrote correct. The name of this post is in fact what i think you will all be thinking. "Alex fucking Day, that is all LSmurf bloody talks about."
So i am going to stop. After this post i will mention Alex as little as possible and concentrate more on the people closest too me. Harry, George, Dan, Lally, to name but a few. They have in the past been shunted aside due to this "nerimon" that i keep wittering on about.
Last night i was texting him. I found out it was not my comment on his page that decided the fate of locking his diary but in fact a much more personal thing, that i do not feel right in discussing and that you will find out about on Saturday night when his diary is unlocked. This made me feel extremely guilty for sticking my nose in and was the final nail in the coffin for the hole Alex-talk-in-my-blog.
I suppose i'm still not entirely over the whole "youtube star" thing. I see Alex more as a normal person now but i still see him as famous, a topic that will be put across via a comedy video i am hoping to post on Monday 7th July, though that is subject to change.
So here's to an Alex-Day-free-blog future! CHEERS!

It's like being 7 years old again

2008-06-26T15:45:00.001-07:00

I'm sat here dunking a chocolate chip cookie into a glass of warm milk whilst watching this video:

seriously, i feel like a 7 year old again XD

I gave Alex a bit of advice via his diary the other day, he was thinking about locking it, i told him tht he probably should if he didn't feel right about displaying personal info on there. It's locked now. I take full responsibility for that :D

I'm planning to do a run of videos starting Saturday night, one video a day for the next week and a half right up until my final review. Cos then i'll have nothing to do :(

Anyway, i'm going to get back to my milk now.

Adios

Dream diary 8 and my writing

2008-06-24T15:22:00.000-07:00

So i have loads to talk about. I attempted posting a blog yesterday but the site went down and my post was lost :(
So i'll start with dream diary number 8

5 great surgeons
I was watching the latest in the line of "5 awesome" channels however it was named "5 great surgeons". Each week the members of the page would dress up as surgeons and perform surgery on someone. I watched 2 videos. One was the guy we met at the Glasgow gathering, the one who's name i can't remember at this time and we never asked his youtube name :( Then i went on and watched the lastest video in which a girl announced she was quitting the 5GS page. She then looked at me and asked me if i would like to take her place. I of course replied yes and then joined the 5 awesome doctor who fans page with Charli, Bayes (even tho he doesnt like Doctor Who), Dan and Lally.

Secondly i want to talk about school. Can i just say how much i hate my head of sixth form. I don't care if he reads this because i'm not enjoying it at the moment. At the beginning of the year we were promised we would be treated like adults, and yet now i am getting told off for turning up to school 1 minute late and not writing my homework on paper (we were asked to learn about an artist, which i did, i just didnt write anything down, which might i add we werent asked to do!). I really hate 6th form at the moment and cant wait to get it all over and done with!

So onto the third part of my blog. I do a lot of writing. Recently i started a novel with a girl called beth and i'm really happy with how it's going. I would however like a bit of feedback so i'm going to post the prologue here, please comment and say what you think:

Mark leant at the kitchen table, his chin resting on his long thin arm, the sleeves of his black Pyjamas rolled up. He pulled his full English Breakfast towards him and his stomach groaned noisily.
“Looks good! But I’m not sure I can eat it all Granddad.” Said Mark, picking up his knife and fork as he talked. The old man took a seat at the kitchen table, he was a chubby man with long and yet greying hair. A kind smile spread across his face sending wrinkles shooting up his cheeks.
“Just eat what you can Mark.” He said kindly glancing at the two slices of toast that he had made himself to eat.
Mark finished his breakfast fairly quickly leaving only his mushrooms, which he despised. He made his way up to his bedroom where he changed out of his Pyjamas and into some jeans and a shirt.
“Your brother is still feeling under the weather so having a few days off” His Granddad told him as he came back down the stairs. Mark grumbled loudly.
“Anyway, see you later Granddad!”
“Have a good day Mark”
And Mark left the house. His Granddad, John, stood up from the kitchen table. He headed slowly into the living room where he turned on the TV. Within minutes the T.V was silent again. John was already bored. Life was no fun without his grandkids. He picked up a framed photograph from the mantelpiece and brushed the years of dust from the unbreakable glass. He looked down at the picture hidden beneath. There were 6 people in the photograph altogether: 2 boys no older than 6 (his grandchildren), his son, his daughter-in-law, his wife and himself. His eyes glazed over as he stared at the photograph that had been taken over 10 years ago. He placed the photograph back in its place on the mantle and pulled a large, cigar from his pocket. He lit it and began to smoke, glaring at the photograph as he did so. A tear fell slowly onto his shirt, he didn’t bother to wipe his eyes.
Finally he had decided. He placed his cigar in an ashtray on the coffee table and made his way across to a door at the far side of the room. He pulled the door open and stepped into the tiny cupboard beyond. He closed the door and the room began to vibrate slightly knocking a couple of brooms into him. He sighed and tried to push them to one side but failed.
Finally the cupboard became still again and John opened the cupboard door. He let the brooms fall to the floor, not bothering to pick them up as he stepped into a cavernous room that was completely different to the one he had left a few seconds before. The room was clearly underground. A large cave with dark rock walls and uneven floors. Stalactites hung from the ceiling and a few stalagmites rose from the floor.
John did not seemed perturbed by the sudden change of room, if anything he acted as if it were a normal procedure. The room was full of men, no women just men. John thought it sexist but his boss had been adamant. The men were dressed in one of two different uniforms. Most of the men wore long white lab-coats that covered their feet they were working at tables set out across the large room. The rest of the men were dressed in grey pinstriped suits and walked around observing the lab-coat men. Only John was out of sync with the rest as he was still wearing his blue and white Pyjamas. There was one woman in the room and she stood out dramatically in amongst the tide of men. She was in her late 40’s and wore a perfect white suit.
“Ahh, John, Great to see you!” said the woman as she noticed the old man. She did not seem at all happy to see the man and her forced smile was unconvincing.
“Good Morning Boss.” Grumbled John, scratching his head with his forefinger.
“I have to protest that sentence!” blurted the woman, smiling for real now “Firstly, What have I told you about calling me boss? We are basically Partners. Secondly, It has not been a good morning. Not good at all I’m afraid!”
“No?”
“No. Larry at table 53 has been flirting with Garry from Table 62.”
“Larry and Garry? Never! What is this world coming to?”
“And that’s another thing,” continued the woman, “The world is coming to an end. Or at least it will be if I don’t go.”
“Whatever do you mean?”
“I’m afraid I will be leaving for a while and that is why I will be leaving you fully in charge.”
John couldn’t help it. A large smile spread across his face. The white suited woman did not seem insulted by this, on the contrary she laughed loudly.
“I thought you’d like that John. But be careful!”
“Of what?” asked the old man, the smile still etched onto his face.
“Your son. He has some funny friends and some silly games planned.”
“He’s not planning to tell them about…us?”
“…and more! Anyway, John old friend. Got to dash. I hope to see you soon, however I highly doubt it.”
“Where are you going?”
The woman stopped at this question almost looking affronted. She certainly hadn’t been expecting it. She turned her head left and right as if checking that no one was listening in. “Far away!” she said finally and then began to walk away.
“Oh and Boss?”
“Yes?” said the woman, stopping but not bothering to turn around.
“Is there anyone to torture today?”
“Jacques in cell 5.” Said the woman tilting her head to view the old man, an unsure smile was curling along her face. “Are you feeling weak John? Needing to take power over someone?”
“No Boss,” The old man’s smile grew bigger on his face, “I’m just bored.”

This morning

2008-06-21T03:10:00.000-07:00

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This morning can be summed up in a simple beautiful south lyric:

"Birds are singing in the trees
As we rise up on a beautiful morning
But I can't hear
That beautiful sound
Because I'm permanently yawning"

It turns out that staying up till 2 in the morning has consequences...

I got a haircut, now all my vids will have crap continuity...great...

What a Beautiful Sound!

2008-06-20T17:33:00.000-07:00

Here i am, at half 1, watching smiv's latest video, eating apple crumble and drinking warm milk. I havent had warm milk since i was about 7 and i just thought "i really fancy some".

I've just got back from a beautiful Sound gig/concert (i dunno wat the word is...). It was awesome as usual. There was this kid working there who looked exactly like Dan, it reall freaked me out. And i dunno whether it was because i was staring at him but he kept glancing at me. I pointed this out to my sister and we had a good giggle, shouting "Sooo...Dan" every time he was near. By the end of the night i had myself convinced it was Dan, despite the fact that Dan lives in canada and is a football referee and this guy was clearly in England clearing tables.
My Dad did a quick squiggle on a beermat to get a pen working, me and my sister concluded that this squiggle bore an uncanny resemblance to my dad himself.
The music itself was awesome. I was reluctant to get up and dance at 1st as there were a couple of girls on the dance floor who were pissed off their heads and dancing insanely. I soon got up and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I loved "Don't marry Her" (any excuse to swear repeatedly infront of my Dad) and "good as gold" and really got into these songs. Brilliant night!
On the way back, as the car was zooming down the motorway (i always find that motorways are a good place to think) i thought about gatherings and realised how awesome it would be if they did a gathering in a venue with a band and dancing and food and stuff, that would be awesome.
They should definately do that, i'm thinking about messaging Myles tommorrow and seeing if he has any plans for the youstage gathering money.
I have some mates coming over tommorrow 2 plan a boom town sketch. I also need a haircut, to make my initial reaction, set my DVD recorder, watch Doctor Who, and i'm back at school on Monday, which is good in a way but also bad at the same time.
Anyway i'm babbling now so i'll leave this post here and do more rambling tomorrow...